I actually like my kids. There. I said it. Sadly, it seems like such an unpopular thing to say nowadays, but it’s true. As maddening and sleep-deprived as my little people make me, I like being around them. I enjoy sharing my life with them, the life I’m living right now is exactly what I’ve always wanted, and I love it just as much as I thought I would.
There are times, of course, when I’m tired or overwhelmed with all that living and learning bring about. There are small things that I would change if I could, and there are hard days, but I am extraordinarily content being a homeschooling mama.
I get a lot of questions about homeschooling. Some people are intrigued and interested in pursuing this lifestyle for themselves. Others are just curious about how we live. And there are always those who are horrified that I “…don’t send the kids to school???”
It’s hard to say which questions I’m asked the most because there are a few that rise to the top, but one of the biggies is always, “How can you possibly be with your kids all the time?” That question is usually followed by statements like:
- “I could never do that.”
- “You must have so much patience.”
- “My kids are too social to sit at home all day.”
- “I need my “me” time.”
- “I would hate being around my kids every day.”
- “I’ve worked too hard to get where I am to stay home with kids.”
- “I’m focused on quality – not quanitity – time.”
Depending on my mood and with whom I’m speaking, I either just smile and nod or take the time to share my heart.
Homeschooling is not for everyone. That’s the beauty of having choices. Everyone does not want to be with their kids all of the time. But I do. I’ve wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember, and I want to experience it to the fullest. I want the quality and the quantity. I want to be their mama and their teacher. I enjoy our leisurely mornings and sweet afternoons. I would prefer to skip the temper tanrums, bad attitudes, and selfish moments – but I endured those with my co-workers in corporate America as well – and all of that is a lot easier to take from a 4-year-old vs. a 40-year-old.
It is true that I don’t have enough moments of solitude. I’d like to read more books and write in my journal every day. I wish I could catch up with my beloved girlfriends more regularly on the phone and in person. It would be nice not to have to reheat my cup of tea 4 or 5 times before I finally get to finish it. I miss going to the gym 5 days a week like clockwork, and I miss the body that came along with that dedication. In his essay, Charlotte Mason’s Call to Parents, Art Middlekauff said it best:
“There are so many things I would like to do with my time – hobbies I would like to pursue, books I would like to read, places I would like to go, concerts I would like to attend, friends I would like to see, games I would like to play, classes I would like to take – and I have the right to enjoy all of these things for my “comfort.” But I have stolen all of these things from myself so I can give the gift of time to my children. Why would I do this? Why would I steal from myself? There is only one force that could make me do it: love.”
I can’t predict how I’ll feel in the future. But right now, today, I want to spend every day with my kids. I want to be there for the ups and downs, and I want to help usher them into adulthood in the most hands on way that I can. “There is more than one way to skin a cat,” but homeschooling is my way. This is how I feel led to parent, and at the end of the day, it’s not a painful sacrifice that I endure. It’s a joyful honor that I choose to experience because I really do like my kids.
UPDATE: This is one of my most-shared posts, and I’ve gotten a lot of mixed feedback. Awesome & incredibly involved and loving homeschool moms who get what I was saying love it. Awesome & incredibly involved and loving moms who don’t homeschool feel judged and angry. I didn’t see that last one coming, so I want to clarify something. This post is not about moms who don’t homeschool. It is specifically an explanation of what I think and how I feel when non-homeschoolers question my decision to home educate or are incredulous about how I can spend so much time with my kids. I explained that up front in the post, and I also said that there are multiple ways to get the job done at the end. I am 100% sure that there are tons of moms who like their kids AND send them to school, but this post was not about those moms. It was about ME and how/why I do what I do. Saying I can be with my kids all day because I actually like them doesn’t mean that moms who aren’t with their kids all day don’t like them. I hope that clears the air as it is never my intention to cause division among moms or come across as “holier than thou.”
God has blessed us with our children. It is not a gift to take lightly. Foregoing a full-time job making a very much needed salary to help pay the bills is a short term small price to pay for the time that we can never get back with our kids. They will remember this time with us being home with them the rest of their lives. It is why we decided to have children in the first place we wanted to raise them ourselves. Love you my forever sister
I love my kids, too! And I needed the reminder in this season of the joy and blessing it is to be able to be home with them. Thanks for sharing this.
(I have preschool-age quadruplets so people in the US almost always initially reply with a comment about the burden of four children — while people in East Africa almost always initially reply with a comment about the blessing of many children, but still wouldn’t expect me to be homeschooling or at home with them. So I get many of these same comments, often.)
Oh I can completely understand that. Some people assume that children are a burden. That’s why I like having my mama friends to vent with sometimes because they know that even though I’m having a bad day or I’m stressed, they understand that it’s not a permanent state. They get how I could have hard times in the midst of standing exactly where I want to be.
My children are 20 and 22, and I found this page by simply Googling, “I like my children more than anyone else,” and getting no hits at all. Everything was all, “My kids hate each other,” until I refined my search repeatedly – all the way down to, “I like my kids” to FINALLY get here.
I’m sad that this is so rare. I’d rather talk to and hang with my kids than anyone else on the planet. ❤️
Also, I did not homeschool my children, but they had a unique upbringing, similar to homeschooled kids. No tv, no internet, no video games of any sort for 16 years. No secular music, extremely small mountain community, absolutely perfect in every way. I wish they still had that to this day, it I believe they’ll go back to it to raise their own kids. ❤️
I’m so happy to hear that you landed here! I love hearing about parents who enjoy their adult children (and their littles too!).
Ditto! Me too. My daughter is my favorite person on this planet. I love being with her as much as I can
That’s so refreshing to hear!
I used to like my kids when we first began homeschooling years ago but if I’m being honest, entering these teen years, things have shifted. I’m praying that we can get back to that enjoyment together. Don’t get me wrong I still love spending time with them (sometimes) but their sibling squabbles and mischief has put a daily time limit on how long I can go before I “check out”.
Somehow I ended up back here months later and I feel the need to clarify that I do love (and like) my sons. Things have drastically shifted with my oldest whose now 16 and works part time. As he’s becoming a young man, the daily snuggles during read alouds has shifted to quick stolen time for family Bible study and then I’ve lost him to his growing personal responsibilities and school work. It’s been a SUPER hard adjustment and my mama heart has grieved the baby boy and close family dynamic we all had.. prayers are much appreciated 🙏🏾
Prayers for you and your family. Dynamics certainly do change as they grow older and gain independence, and it can be hard for us to let “grow” (We never let GO!). Each season has its own necessary adjustments as we usher in change and reconfigure things into a new normal, only for it to change again. I’m with you!