I thought the early years of homeschooling were the hardest. Juggling the needs of toddlers, planning lessons, and squeezing in time for myself felt like an uphill battle. But now that I’m on the other side, with tweens and teens in my home, I see that those early years had a simplicity to them that I took for granted. Back then, I chose the moms I wanted to spend time with, and our kids naturally played together.

Fast forward a few years, and the dynamics have shifted dramatically. Now, it’s not just about my preferences—it’s about my kids’ friendships. As they’ve grown older and become more independent, they have their own circle of friends, and guess what? I’m expected to “play” with their friends’ moms, too. Occasionally, this works out beautifully, and I find a new friend through my child’s connections. But occasionally, it’s a mismatch. Different temperaments, different personalities, and sometimes, just vastly different schedules that make nurturing these potential friendships seem like an impossible task.

The Complexity of Adult Friendships in the Teen Years

One of the biggest surprises I’ve faced is how difficult it is to make time for new friendships as my children grow older. Back in the early years, our schedules were more flexible, and there was more space to prioritize relationships with other moms. Now, with a busier calendar filled with extracurriculars, teen social events, and homeschooling demands, the idea of prioritizing friendship feels lik

e a luxury I can’t afford but also a vital need I can’t afford to set aside.

A close friend of mine recently confided in me: “I’ve never had a more supportive group of girlfriends to do life with, but I never get to talk to them.” Her words hit me hard because I feel the same. The moms I connected with over the years, the ones who have been my rock through the ups and downs of homeschooling, are now just as overwhelmed by their own schedules as I am. We barely have time for a text, let alone a coffee date. And even when the opportunity arises to spend time together, the guilt sets in. Is this the best use of my time? Am I taking time away from my kids, my responsibilities, my homeschool planning?

The Guilt of Reaching Out

I’ve found myself hesitating to reach out to friends, afraid that I’m adding to their already full plate. It’s strange to think that asking someone to coffee could feel like an imposition, but in this stage of life, that’s exactly how it feels. I know I’m not alone. Many of my friends have expressed the same feelings. We’re all in this race to keep our households running, our kids on track, and our homeschool plans in order. Socializing becomes a task that falls to the bottom of the list—if it even makes the list at all.

But I can’t help but wonder: When will enough be enough? When will we stop letting the busyness of life dictate our relationships? Will it be too late by the time we finally prioritize our friendships?

The Importance of Friendships in This Season

The truth is that friendships are vital to our well-being, especially during these intense homeschooling years. We need connection, not just for emotional support but to remind ourselves that we’re not alone in this journey. When we isolate ourselves, we lose perspective. It becomes easier to feel overwhelmed and burnt out. Friendships remind us to laugh, to relax, and to see the bigger picture beyond the daily grind of lessons and logistics.

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If you’re looking for a book to help you through this season, I recommend these:

So, how do we reclaim time for our friendships? How do we nurture relationships when it feels like life is pulling us in a million different directions? Here are a few strategies I’ve found helpful:

1. Be Intentional About Small Moments

Friendship doesn’t always have to mean a long coffee date or an evening out. Sometimes, it’s a quick phone call on the way to practice or a text conversation throughout the day. And as much as I resist the constant onslaught of new technology muddling my already crowded waters, apps like Voxer and Marco Polo have been amazing for maintaining some of my friendships. Do they replace in-person meetups? No, but those small moments of connection add up and can keep a relationship strong, even when life is chaotic.

2. Lower the Pressure

We often feel like friendship needs to happen in a certain way—long conversations, deep dives into life’s challenges, or uninterrupted time. But in reality, sometimes a quick check-in or a short walk together is enough to keep that connection alive. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your friends to have the “perfect” get-together.

3. Incorporate Friendships into Your Routine

If scheduling dedicated time for friends feels impossible, try folding friendship into your existing routine. Invite a friend to join you for exercise, family events, or even homeschooling activities like a great field trip where the moms can catch up while the kids are in their element. Sometimes, shared experiences can deepen a bond without adding extra time demands.

4. Prioritize Consistency Over Frequency

Even if you can’t see a friend regularly, consistency matters. A monthly check-in or a planned quarterly coffee date can make a big difference. The key is showing up over time, not necessarily showing up all the time. Some of my most dear friendships were solidified over monthly book club meetings that ended years ago. Carving out those two hours each month gave us a foundation that has withstood the test of time.

5. Communicate Honestly

Let your friends know how you’re feeling. If you’re struggling to find time or energy for connection, be honest about it. They’re likely feeling the same way. Sometimes, just acknowledging the difficulty of the season can bring relief and help you both adjust your expectations. I just experienced this with a friend who expressed how utterly overwhelmed she was and how her schedule was at odds with her desire to connect more with her friends, including me. Just hearing those words was a relief. I am not alone! We need each other, and acknowledging the need, even without a solution, is a comforting first step.

Don’t Wait Too Long

As homeschool moms of tweens and teens, we’re in a unique stage where life feels busier than ever. But let’s not wait until the busyness subsides to prioritize our friendships. These relationships are crucial, not just for our emotional health but for our ability to show up fully for our families. Let’s make time for each other—even in small ways—and remind ourselves that we don’t have to do this alone.

Find me sharing about my tweens and teens on Instagram @heritagemomblog. See you there!