You know how your closest friends know you so well that they can curate life for you? Knowing and being known is a major refrain in my friendships these days, so I was delighted when one of my closest friends recently sent me a text about a movie she knew my kids would love.

In the text, she linked to an article about Disney casting 19-year-old Halle Bailey (not to be confused with Halle Berry) as the star of their live-action “Little Mermaid” movie. The picture accompanying the article revealed that Halle is an adorable young lady, and she’s…black. {Insert me jumping up and down with delight. YAY!!!}

The director is quoted in the article:

“After an extensive search, it was abundantly clear that Halle possesses that rare combination of spirit, heart, youth, innocence, and substance – plus a glorious singing voice – all intrinsic qualities necessary to play this iconic role.”

When I read this, I was beyond excited! I can’t even begin to tell you how meaningful this casting is for my family and thousands of others. Our girls are starving for validation, and the opportunity to place themselves in the midst of a fantasy world featuring an iconic character who looks like them is epic!

Yes, they can use their imaginations, but nothing replaces the visual of seeing black people positively represented in media, and of course, in real life. Representation matters. I know this to be true anecdotally, but research also supports the importance of representation for children.

Armed with the exciting news, I gathered my daughters around me that evening to share a picture of Halle and discuss the upcoming movie. Rather than going back to Jen’s text and pulling up the original innocuous article, I naively did a quick google search in front of my girls. BIG MISTAKE. Here’s a screen shot of what came up:

As soon as the first headline registered with me, I quickly turned my phone over, but not before my oldest daughter read it. She then turned to me with a painful twisted look on her face and asked, “Why are white people mad about Ariel being black? She looks like me.”

And in a mere second, all of the joy we were just about to share was stamped out by prejudice and hatred.

Before I tell you how I answered my precious girl, I’ll share the questions that immediately came to my mind as I tried to pace my breathing so I wouldn’t cry:

• Why? WHy? WHY? Why would it bother someone who already receives validation all day, every day, forever and ever for someone else to have one small relatively insignificant moment to feel special?
• Why did white Twitter go bonkers over a black woman being cast as an IMAGINARY character?
• Why is “normal” considered white?
• Who would rob all of the little brown girls across the country (the world?) the chance to see themselves reflected in a princess?
• Who cares more about the first Ariel’s pale skin and red hair than they do about the ridiculous number of benefits derived by a bazillion families as a result of this single casting decision?
• Why does this even have to be a thing?
• Why can’t I enjoy this one moment in time with my innocent babies while they relish in being “seen,” admired, and loved?
• Why are people so hateful?

Why are so many white people mad about a black Ariel?

I was blindsided by the pathetic news. Had I had even an inkling that the casting was contentious, I would never have done a search in front of my girls. My guard was down, and I got caught slippin’.

When my daughter posed her question I felt vulnerable because I hadn’t had time to craft the right response. But seeing her cheeks flush, I knew I couldn’t put her off until I had a chance to choose the perfect words, so I said a quick prayer and opened my mouth to speak.

Here’s what I said:

Oh, Honey. You totally do look like Halle, and I’m glad you recognize that because you’re both absolutely beautiful. First of all, I want you to know that I didn’t intend for you to see that headline. I’m sorry this happened because my job is to protect you, and it hurts me when you’re hurting.

I also want you to know that Ms. Jen is the one who told me about the movie. She knew how much you’d enjoy it, and how important it would be to our family. [Note: Jen is white, and in that moment it felt important for me to let her immediately experience love from someone who is also a part of the hate-filled group. I needed to break up the group from a monolithic “white people” so she could see the diversity within the group.]

I’m not even going to read the comments that people made about Ariel being black because we don’t care what hateful people think, and we don’t want our hearts to be pulled down by people who don’t matter. Some people are selfish and self-centered; they want everything to be about them. They feel angry or threatened when someone who looks different is celebrated. Those people have always been around, and they are still alive and well.

We try to hold our heads high and celebrate all that we can despite their negativity, but I know it hurts. I can’t fix this for you, but I can tell you that we are called to base our self-image on who the Lord designed us to be – not on who others say we are. Please don’t let mean-spirited people define who you are. They literally are…nobody.

Truly. Nobody.

Your life is full of amazing loving people who know your value and adore every bit of you. Lean into that. Smile your bright smile. Keep your head up. Shake the haters off. Stand tall, and move forward knowing who and whose you are. And whenever you have the chance to represent us and others in an amazing way, be brave and do the right thing – no matter what. Would you like to pray with me? [She nodded yes.]

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for creating us in your image. Please help my sweet girl to see herself the way that you see her, especially when the world tells her otherwise. Please protect her from the pain of insensitivity, ignorance, and hatred, and give her wisdom to recognize the enemy in every form he may take. Give her strength to stand against adversity and a deep joy that comes only from you. Lord, help me to guide my family and protect their precious hearts. And please bless those who stand against us. We stand here tonight knowing that what they meant for evil, You can use for good. May our hearts not be hardened, and may we walk in grace, mercy, and forgiveness all the days of our lives. In your son, our Lord, Jesus Christ’s name we pray.

Amen. Amen. Amen.