Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be hunted? To have people sniffing around, salivating, waiting for you to say or do something “wrong” so they can give themselves permission to erase or demean you?
I’m sharing a story with you, but not because I want pity. Instead, I want to expose what happens behind the scenes in the hope that it will convince others to stop this awful behavior. I want to educate people who don’t know some of what it’s like to be a Black voice in the Christian homeschooling world today.
Disclaimer: What I’m about to write does NOT apply to all Christian homeschool conferences. I speak at multiple Christian conferences run by people who would not allow things like this to happen on their watch. Please don’t misquote me or say that I’ve said anything other than what I’m choosing to write.
I was asked to be a keynote speaker at a Christian homeschooling conference taking place this weekend in Spokane, Washington. I agreed to speak, and it was a pretty easy decision because I knew that I’d have so much in common with their audience. As we chatted about flight info, they asked for a list of speaking topics to choose from. I sent this list of possible speaking topics upon request (actual screenshot):
I was looking forward to sharing my experiences as a homeschooling mom and was completely caught off guard by their next email, which simply asked:
What is your stance on CRT, wokeness, the 1619 project, and cancel culture?
Huh? What does that have to do with ANY of the topics I offered to share?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
I wrote back with the following note. Here is the Instagram post referenced in the screenshot below.
The woman confirmed that they had not asked previous speakers about these issues. I quickly checked the speaker line-up (which has mysteriously disappeared since I first spoke about it publicly) on their website to confirm what I assumed to be true. I was the only Black speaker and the only one who had to answer this set of questions. She also shared that one of the board members found a video where I was interviewed by the founder of the history curriculum company, Woke Homeschooling, and she was concerned about some of the terminology used.
I was confused by the Woke Homeschooling interview reference. The interviewer was my friend Delina, and though I couldn’t remember every detail of our recorded conversation, I couldn’t imagine that we’d said something offensive or worrisome. I went back and listened to the entire recording again, and I found it to be a lovely interview. In fact, I think it’s one of my best ones ever. It was mostly about my book, and no special terminology was used.
Clearly, they didn’t actually listen to the “scary” interview, but they’re reacting solely to the name of her business. In any case, it’s one of 50+ interviews I’ve done in the past few years, and they could’ve listened to any of them as many are linked on my website. It made me especially uncomfortable that they focused on one of the few interviews of me speaking with another Black woman and felt that I should explain it away and prove myself worthy of speaking to their audience.
It felt like a witch hunt. As if they were looking for some small opening that would permit them to easily discredit my work. Searching for something that might stain their stage. It was clear to me that they didn’t even listen to the interview because then they would’ve heard a beautiful conversation. The affiliation was enough.
“Amber’s cousin’s sister rode a bus last year and she sat next to Oprah’s hairdresser who’s married to a guy who wore a woke t-shirt to the gym. Twice. So I think we should talk to her about it because she might bring it up in her talk on morning-time poetry.”
I realized that it obviously wasn’t really about the interview at all. It was about me as a person, and that made the whole thing especially icky. It’s almost like reaching out to a speaker who will be discussing “Reading Aloud to Children” and “Finding Beauty in Nature” and asking:
What’s your stance on abortion?
How do you feel about immigration?
Did you vote for Trump or Biden?
Do you stand for or against gun ownership?
And did the January 6th incident at the Capitol make you happy or sad?
Who does that?
And even if the crazy world does do that, why would we, as homeschooling moms and, in this particular case, sisters in Christ, do that to each other?
When will the madness stop?
This growing obsession with “outing” Black people who may or may not feel differently than you on politicized topics is turning into the new Jim Crow homeschooling version of voter literacy tests. In these cases, Black conference speakers receive a different set of politically charged questions than white speakers, and we’re not permitted to speak if we don’t answer them satisfactorily. Thus, keeping these particular conferences as white as they’ve always been.
Behind-the-scenes conversation (as I imagine it):
“I have a live one here, folks. I can’t tell whether she’s tame or one of those Blackity-Black ones. We better ask her, so we’ll know for sure that she’ll be a worthy puppet for us. If we have a good Christian Black-ish one on the website, we won’t be criticized for being all white, but they’re getting harder to find.
What’s that? You think I should ask all of the speakers the same questions?
Why would I do that? I mean, obviously, the white speakers are acceptable. We only have to vet the feral Black ones because they might say something Black on stage.
What? She’s our sister in Christ?
Hahahaha! That doesn’t matter anymore. It’s 2023! The MOST crucial information for us to capture for this Christian conference is her position on politicized topics that she won’t be speaking on.
I don’t even want her talking about books, poetry, or finding beauty in unexpected places if she might say something that goes against my most closely held political beliefs, the beliefs that override any and everything else.
Did I ask the speakers what they thought about abortion, Charlottesville, January 6th, white nationalism, the Confederate flag, or immigration?
Oh no! I would never ask a good, safe white person those questions. My goodness! What kind of a person do you think I am? That would be so rude and off-topic. No, no. I don’t question our fellow white people. I know that they all agree with me. I only ask Black people about all of the universal Black stuff I see them whining about online because it’s all evil. Sinful.
Do I ask white speakers if they’re racist before allowing them to speak about math and raising children to love the Lord? Nooooo. That’s not important. They’re safe and Christian enough for me as long as they’re white!
We must be relentless with the Blackity-Black ones, though, because God forbid we allow a might-be-woke one to slip through the cracks. She may say something helpful from the stage or strike up a meaningful conversation with attendees in the hall, and we can’t have that.
She pushed back on answering our irrelevant racial questions? {GASP} She’s one of THEM. Well, we’ll show her. So glad that we dodged that bullet!
Now we can honestly say that we tried to get a Black one, and no one will be able to criticize our lily-white conference.
What happened next
After respectfully expressing my concerns about the nature of the questions (being unrelated to my speaking topics) and being singled out with these questions, here’s the official email that I received:
My thoughts on being “unasked” to speak
Everyone has boundaries, and I’m holding onto mine. I will not participate in this game. And if that means that I’m not asked to speak at these types of conferences, then so be it. I will sleep soundly at night knowing that I didn’t tap dance for the lost.
No one is getting rich from speaking at homeschooling conferences. Trust me. After considering all the hours spent on preparation, travel, and the conference itself, I actually lose money half the time. And when the conference is too far away to drive, I’m also away from my loving family and safe village of friends. The only reason I do this is that I care and want to share my experience and knowledge with others.
It’s not worth the abuse, and I will not participate in the witch hunt.
This is not the first time I’ve endured bullying in the Christian homeschool world. When I speak, attendees regularly approach me and say the most ignorant things. They ask racially and politically motivated questions for no reason other than me breathing and being Black. I’ve been uninvited to things before and for similar reasons.
It all needs to stop.
I’ve had plenty of Black friends question why I bother to put myself in these spaces, and I always give the same answer:
I want to show up for the mom who needs to see and hear me.
I was that mom a decade ago, and I felt terribly alone. Now I have just enough of a platform to help others, and I want to do that. But when I experience these setbacks, I begin to question if the effort is worthwhile.
A couple of years ago, a woman on Instagram heard an interview where I stated that homeschooling conference organizers should invite more people of color to speak. She commented that Black speakers should just put themselves out there and stop expecting the white conference organizers to do all the work of finding and asking us.
I laughed at the time, and I’m laughing now. It reminds me of this clip from James Baldwin:
I know that some people won’t see the correlation with this video, but I see it very clearly. Baldwin is responding to a gross oversimplification of his stated concerns after his lived experiences are denied and swept under the rug as inconsequential. Baldwin is being blamed for daring to state the obvious. As if, somehow, our circumstances would improve if we would just stop telling the truth. No folks, this “is not the paranoia of my own mind.”
When it comes to speaking at these conferences, it’s absolutely not about just putting yourself out there. It’s not like we (Black speakers) can always just show up with our talks on literature, travel, and poetry like everyone else and be accepted.
In some cases, there are gatekeepers who want to control not only what we say on stage but also what we think in our homes or when we’re in safe spaces with our friends. They evaluate our associations looking for areas on which to pounce, and when they find nothing, they invent things to help satisfy their predatory hunger.
There are people who are so terrified of being unable to control the narrative that they try to prevent us from opening our mouths in their presence, even if some of the conference attendees would greatly benefit from hearing us speak. They’re so threatened by what they see on TV and conjure up in their imaginations that they’ll rescind speaking offers to a Christian peer who refuses to answer a particular set of “Black speaker” questions.
I’ve thought long and hard about publicly sharing this conference’s name. Every day, I go back and forth. Ultimately, I’ve decided to share the name of the conference because the organization should be able to stand behind the Board’s choices. However, I’ve masked the names of the individual women who emailed me because I couldn’t make peace with sharing their names. Please remember that it’s not only about this conference. It’s about the entire toxic environment that allows this type of behavior to exist.
What do I want you to take away from this?
The Christian homeschooling world can be an abusive and toxic environment for Black people.
Within that world, there are beautiful people who show welcoming love and kindness. Some of them are my dear friends and biggest supporters, and I hope they’ll call out their peers who are behaving this way whenever they see it. I hope that they’ll demand better.
If you’re one of the people obsessed with the questions above, I hope you’ll see that you’re stirring up malice and inventing division even where there is none. YOU are making everything worse. And by abusing your gatekeeper role at the homeschool conferences to silence Black voices that won’t bow down to your ridiculous ways, you’re proving the very point of all the things you’re railing against.
I was canceled for not sharing my thoughts on cancel culture. Does anyone else see the silliness in this?
I’m the only homeschooling speaker that I know of who repeatedly talks about the need for every child to be seen and valued. For all of us to come together to raise a generation of kids who not just tolerate one another but truly feel connected. To my knowledge, I’m the only homeschooler to appear on stage after stage and emphatically state that cross-racial relationships – particularly those between women of color and white women – are critical for our health, the health of our families, and the health of our nation. I even wrote a book about it! (Please read A Place to Belong) So why, then, of all the people they could pick on, would they come up with me being the potential loose canon that they have to question, monitor, and control?
It makes no sense. Unless… my very presence made them feel nervous and like they were taking a big gamble by giving a mic to someone who may or may not think differently than them on topics that they’ve deemed the most important and relevant. Unless they feel that my skin color makes me potentially harmful or dangerous to the women who might be in the room when I speak, women like many of you.
When you block Black speakers, you block Black attendees. When we’re not on stage, many of the families you purport to serve don’t feel comfortable attending. Why? Because they wisely figure that there must be an issue. And I think that’s something you care absolutely nothing about.
Please stop pretending that you’re a welcoming crowd. You are not. You’re a dangerous crowd, and you should add a disclaimer on your website:
Though we claim to be Christian, we don’t actually hold ourselves to standards of behavior that would demonstrate our faith. We hold our political beliefs to be above the Word, and if you’re Black, you cannot hold a mic in our presence if you don’t first prove that you think just like us. Please note: Proof of past voting record is required at the door.
Please get yourself together.
“Sometimes the first step toward change is closing our eyes, taking a breath, and imagining a different way.” – Jacqueline Woodson, Author
Update
Here is the response that CFHE copied and pasted to social media commenters and people who emailed them:
Here’s the public letter from the CFHE website:
I’m going to move forward with the support and encouragement of so many. Thank you for reading my story, understanding the issues, and committing to being part of the change.
Thank you for sharing this experience. I am so sorry it’s not an uncommon one for you. I’ve been praying and looking to build more Black community in our homeschool circle and I wonder if things like this are why it’s been such a challenge to find and connect with Black homeschooling moms. So grateful for your voice, your book, and your encouragement to keep moving forward and building a better experience for our kids.
Hi Maria, yes, I think things like this (and especially all of the many, many less blatant things) are a big part of the reason that our homeschool circles are fairly segregated. I think we can make it different, but it’s not easy. It will be worth it, though. I’m sure of that.
I am so sorry thus happened to you. This makes me sick. I appreciate you naming names and I hope others do so as well. I want nothing to do with racist organizations and I believeotherhomeschool families would withdraw their support from organizations like this if they had the infromation. Your book has been gift to my family, I even git my husband to read it.
Thank you for sharing this story and for calling out the Christian homeschool community to do better, and to embrace a biblical approach.
Thank you for reading what I wrote and for leaving me this note of encouragement.
I’m so sorry. I hate this for you. We do need more Black Speakers to engage the community. Your voice does need to be heard.
I am deeply sorry that this has happened to you now and times in the past. The foolishness and ugliness is not to be tolerated. We are all weakened by it. This is not Christian. The way you were treated is hateful. The syrupy way it was done is demeaning. You are right to expose this racist behavior. Thank you. We lose so much when people of color are not in roles of leadership, when voices of color are silenced, when we are left to our smallness, when that woman of color who I need and who needs me never meet because welcome is not present. You have spoken the truth in the most loving of ways here. Please keep speaking on those topics you love. We need to hear and learn from you. Please keep speaking out whenever you are silenced. Women of color have enough obstacles. We who are white need to understand that we are poorer when we do not hear, encourage, and learn from those whose experiences are different than our own, who struggles are intensified by ignorance and assumptions. Your voice is needed. The depth of your insights are cherished. Your passion is contagious. Your faith is honored. Thank you.
I released a big sigh of relief when I read your comment. It felt like a hug in writing. Thank you.
Amber, I am so sorry you had to and have constantly had to endure this. I am a new homeschooling mum and also black and the type of mum you describe who needed to see you. I can’t imagine how hard it is to put yourself on the line for women you don’t know but I do know great is your reward in Heaven. I also don’t know if you have read Negroland by Margo Jefferson, in a section she criticizes the intersection between classical education and it’s adoration of whiteness. It made me uncomfortable and provoked some thought and would love to hear your take.
Thank you for the supportive words and affirmation. I haven’t read her memoir yet, but you have me very interested now. I’ll let you know what I think after I read what she says!
You said it well, when I didn’t have the right words. Thank you.
Amber, thank you for this post. For shedding light on the abuses that you receive for the color of your skin. I am so deeply sorry for the pain and hurt you have received.
White homeschooling culture has to do better. It’s time. It’s not enough for there to be a few friendly faces. The culture needs to change. I don’t have any idea how to effect that change, but I will be thinking and praying for what I can do to move this culture shift speedily forward.
I will be thinking and praying alongside you. Thank you for caring enough to want to be part of the change.
Amber, thank you for sharing this – these organizations need to be outed for their awful behavior. I’m sorry this is a common experience for you. You have so much to give – their conference will be lacking without you. I am always inspired by what you share and your book is one of my go-to homeschool books. Sending love and support your way.
Thank you for reading my book and for being her in support.
Thank you for sharing your experience(s) and for naming the organization. I do understand why you struggled to share the details, but if we’re ever to move beyond this then shining light in darkness is required.
I don’t know those women running the conference and I’m sure there are many others with similar mentalities. However, there are many more who would disagree with and condemn their actions. I pray there were some in the room that see your thoughtful post, hear your support, and are emboldened to stand up. If not this time, then next.
I know for sure that not everyone in the organization felt the same way about me, but ultimately the ugliness won. I don’t know how or why, but you’re right about there being people who disagree. I hope their voices ring clearly and loudly in the days and years to come.
I’m so sorry. I’m also angry for you. I’m so grateful for you, your voice, and what you do! I’m one of the ones who needs you, and I’m so grateful that you will not allow the ugly racist voices to silence you.
They threw me off course for a bit, but I definitely won’t be silent. Thank you for your support.
I’m applauding every single syllable. I’m angry with you. I’m disappointed. I’m stunned, but not surprised. And I support you wholly. I believe in the work you are doing and I am deeply grateful for you taking risks in order to love those families that need to see YOU on the stage. And those that choose not to, as you said, can put their imagined Christian standards aside. Love you, Amber!
I love you too, Nicole. Thank you for rolling up your sleeves and leaning in to create beauty. You come bearing tremendous gifts, and we’re all better off because of your work and who you are.
Conservative politics has replaced the Gospel as the preeminent doctrine in Evangelical culture.
Jesus didn’t call us to transform the culture with our brand of politics- He called us to preach the Gospel.
Amen.
Thank you for your vulnerability and sharing your experience. I get the notion that it doesn’t make sense. I get asking why are things like this. But we know that there is an answer to why it doesn’t make sense and why things are like this. It’s because we wrestle not against flesh and blood. It’s because the enemy comes to still kill and destroy. It’s because he hates the Body and will do anything to divide and destroy us. And since we wrestle not against flesh and blood we must fight with the weapons that the Spirit gives. And one of those weapons is truth. I commend you for speaking the truth.
Thank you so much, Joy. If I didn’t have his promises to rely on, I’d be reeling.
Thank you for sharing this story, Amber. I wish I were surprised.
May God grant us ears to hear, and hand and feet to work and move, to keep pulling out this weed, this tare, of racism from where it is wormed its insidious roots. Fellow white homeschoolers, what are you going to DO with this? How are you going to ACT? Pretending that racism isn’t there just gives it power.
Great post! A fellow homeschooling friend who is not Black shared Amber’s story on Facebook and I have done the same. I want my white family and friends to understand this nonsense exists, it’s insidious and real-time. There is a lot of denial about racism in America.
Thank you so much, Sara. I don’t know why that made me cry. Pretending is not working.
THANK YOU, Amber, for being such a LOVING VOICE within our homeschooling community. I know it comes with a cost but our Savior wasn’t very popular for speaking truth either. Praying a hedge of protection over you and your heart in the name of Jesus. May the Lord continue to strengthen you and use you to bring about unity among His people. Love you sis!
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Gal 6:9
I appreciate you being here, Erika. You’ve always been an incredibly safe place to talk through these issues without having to analyze my every word. I’m so glad that I can call you my friend.
Beloved Amber, you are so brave and I am so terribly sorry anyone felt this was appropriate. It is not. I stand with you. I thank God for you. I hold space in my heart for your wisdom, your ideas, your story. I love you as a sister in Christ and I wish I could fix this. May God continue to open doors for you to pour out your wealth of knowledge into those who need it most! I am here cheering you on!
Thank you so much for your consistent support and encouragement, SarahRuth. You are a gem!
i am in tears reading this. you never cease to amaze me. your grace, your courage. you are a light + i am grateful to know you. shame.on.them.
I’m grateful for you as well, Crystal. In so many ways.
I’m so sorry this happened but I love that you are addressing it openly. No one else gets interrogated like people of color doing everyday activities. I can’t imagine what homeschooling is like. You are doing great work. May you be blessed for it.
I appreciate you saying that, and I’m thankful that you took the time to read my story.
As a veteran homeschooling mom of more than 15 years, I knew the h.s. community was not nearly as welcoming and diverse as it could be. But your story has me reeling between anger and nausea. We are a white family with a family tree that is not all white, with fellow homeschooling friends who are not white, with friends in scouting who are not white, not straight, not even Christian. The beauty of homeschooling has always included our ability to meet and really get to know people from ALL backgrounds. I often wished the all-white/mostly white conferences I used to go to would feature a more diverse slate of speakers, if only to understand the unique challenges of my friends who do not look like me. To see how far the national conversation has devolved, to the point of singling out and choosing to exclude experienced, qualified speakers based primarily on their race angers me. I am sharing your story — to all my friends networks — if only to help people who are not Black understand what’s happening. Thank you for telling these truths. I hope the return is ultimately tenfold to your benefit.
Thank you for sharing my story with others. The response has been incredible, and I’ve appreciated every single show of support.
You are a stunning mother, leader, teacher and advocate for unity. Thank you for this- it’s shedding light on ways I’ve been similarly demeaned or “interviewed” without even piecing it together. Political beliefs have certainly replaced the Gospel in so much of our society and it has to stop. You are such an inspiration to me as a new-ish homeschool mom. Please never stop sharing your wisdom!
I’m so glad that this experience has helped you process other situations. I’m thankful for every good thing that can come of this.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am deeply sorry that it happened and that it has happened before.
I appreciate you saying that. Thank you so much.
Amber, thank you for sharing and being so courageous! I want to share the following quotes as an encouragement to you, remember you do not stand alone even though we are far away from each other we stand with you, we pray for you and your family and your ministry! But above all God!
Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point
“Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” – C.S. Lewis
It is easy to live your virtues when things are going well. It is easy to express your values when you are with people who agree with you. It is difficult to live your values in challenging situations or when you are with those who disagree with you.
We live in an instant gratification world. We live in a time when “going with the flow” is often encouraged and seeking the “quick fix” is celebrated. Our virtue demands that we live our values – even in the face of opposition. We value diversity of thoughts and commitment to purpose. This requires that we do the work; it stipulates that we embrace the productive discomfort of doing the right thing . . . even at the testing point.
Have the courage be true to your core values in the face of opposition, face opposition with civility and fidelity of purpose, and be intentional at each testing point you face. By Dr. John Marschhausen Life in Focus
Thank you so much for these timely quotes on courage and values. I really appreciate that you took the time to share them with me.
I have learned so much from you (from your blog, IG, and book which I own and love). I’ve never been to a homeschool conference before, but I did buy tickets once because you were speaking but couldn’t go after getting sick. I share this because I know your experiences and your wealth of knowledge and your ability to communicate with others is incredibly useful. Thank you for sharing this awful experience (really strong of experiences) as well, especially since it was stressful all around.
I’m sorry that you got sick and couldn’t attend the conference that you purchased tickets for, and I appreciate you being here and reading my work. That’s very meaningful.
I’m so sorry this happened, though unfortunately not surprised. =( This conference is local to me. My husband and I attended once, in 2018, and, well… we have never returned – for a number of reasons, but primarily because of this type of narrow-mindedness. We almost decided to quit homeschooling communities altogether after our experience and conversations held at the conference. We were looking for community for our kids and spoke with a number of different co-op and group leaders, only to be told that we were very specifically not welcome because my husband and I share the homeschooling and are a two-income family, by necessity. It is apparently disgraceful and “outside of God’s Will” for a mom to have a full-time job, even though we are in the 21st Century now… Anyway. Love your book and your work in the homeschool community is such a needed breath of fresh air and a resource I often turn to. I’m grateful they showed their true colors before you wasted time and money coming out here, but I’m also so sad for the missed opportunity to hear you speak and meet you in person!!
I’m sorry that happened to your family. Those types of judgments are painful, and I’m glad that you stuck with homeschooling as the option that works best for your family.
White supremacy cannot help but perpetuate itself through white fear. They feel they’ve maintained control over their narrative and, perhaps they have, but they’re not going to enjoy what is in store for them when they have to explain themselves to their creator. You are marvelous!
Thank you for the compliment. I really appreciate it!
I’m so sorry you endured this. I homeschooled for 13 years and know the conservative crowd well enough to know your lens on this situation is accurate. Shaking the dust from your feet is sometimes the only recourse. I understand. I hope you heal fully from this situation.
https://marybutlercoleman.com/2020/08/24/politics-devotion-dear-evangelicals-im-tired-of-sitting-in-the-balcony/
Mary, thank you for sharing this article with me. I was planning to just click and take a quick scan for now, but I read every single word, and now I’m in tears. Your writing is incredibly honest, and you articulated some things that I’ve never been able to say coherently. Wow. You’ve found a new reader in me. Thank you.
Amber, I am sorry. What Black people have had to endure in this country. Still. It is truly heartbreaking and maddening and evil.
Thank you, Alana. Your words always offer healing, and I’m thankful to know you.
As a fellow Christian, black woman, homeschool alumni and homeschool mother, I appreciate you putting words to the experiences felt by minorities across homeschool communities.
Thank you for validating that my experience isn’t isolated. There’s a real issue brewing in the homeschool world, and it needs to be discussed.
It’s good to hear your voice! I’m glad you are sharing your experience and I hope it reaches more ears and hearts.. I believe this conversation is more important than any you may have had at that conference. .
I believe that you’re right. I honestly wouldn’t have had the courage to rock the boat (even though I see and experience so much racial drama in homeschool world) if this hadn’t been so blatant and hurtful, and now many important conversations are being had.
This takes such bravery. But, you shared truth in love. Some people hide behind Christianity when they have really idolized country and political party over God. I pray that God blesses your boldness and your humility. May He place you on a stage bigger than theirs to plant and water seeds on the hearts of many–may you have an even bigger impact. May what Satan meant for evil turn out to work for your good and the good of others God has assigned to you.
Thank you for this prayer over me. I feel your support deeply.
Thanks for the detailed explanation of how you were wrongfully treated by this club of racist homeschoolers. I am so angered by their behaviour towards you and likely anyone of your skin colour.
I am glad you gave us the link to the James Baldwin explanation of why racism in the USA is not to be minimized, as the other guest was trying to do. I am brought to tears thinking of how horribly people have been treated simply because their skin colour differs from mine. It is a sickness! I have shared this post on my facebook page. I hope all my friends will read it and take action to make this world a better place for all people of any skin colour. Stay strong. Keep exposing. We need you!
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and even watch the video. I appreciate your support and encouragement and thank you for sharing my message with others.
Amber, your bravery and love for moms and their homeschooling and their kids has brought SO MUCH hope to me and my kids (though they might not be aware). I learned about the CM method and fell in love, but then started to become discouraged by the whiteness and singular viewpoint that seemed to be everywhere. Your’s was the first blog I stumbled upon (I truly believe was led by God, I dont even remember how I found it!!) that gave another option. An option that meant my son could have mirrors, not just windows. I say all this as encouragement that I am one of the moms that has been blessed and so deeply needed to hear your story and learn from you. The love of the Lord shines through you. Thank you for your transparency and vulnerability in sharing your life. It brightens the world. I’m so sorry for the way you have been treated and questioned.
Brittany, thank you for being here and for reminding me of why I’m here.
This article was shared with me by a dear friend of mine. This is the first time reading about your work. I am sorry to hear of your experience. I am so grateful for your call for more “cross-racial relationships – particularly those between women of color and white women….” I wholeheartedly agree they with your statement that they “are critical for our health, the health of our families, and the health of our nation.” I will be reading your book and pondering ways in which I can be part of the change. Your courage and mission are admirable, and one that I will be rallying behind.
Thank you for reading this, Ivy. I’m glad that your friend shared it with you. Yes, I know that there is power in us coming together to raise up a generation of children who know and love one another.
Hello from England. I’ve seen and valued your writing and interviews for a few years now. I noticed a very careful way that you framed and expressed ideas. It did make me wonder at the time: just how hard is it for black home educators who try to enter public spaces?? I’ve noticed some dodgy ideas, especially in the CM and Classical home education.
Thank you so much for speaking out. My home edding days are nearly done, but we need change for the younger mums coming along behind us.
Thank you for engaging with my work and for taking the time to encourage me here. And congrats on being nearly done with home ed. That’s no small feat!
You should also know that this Christian homeschooler residing in Spokane is absolutely horrified by this story and tragically completely unsurprised. I’ve inferred that this organization does not align with my value of diversity of thought while intentionally following Christ. But I couldn’t put my finger on why — now I know.
I really wanted to be excited to attend this event but couldn’t put my finger on why I wasn’t excited and couldn’t make a commitment — now I know.
If you do want to visit Spokane, let’s do it!!! You can be our headliner.
Thank you so very much for redeeming Spokane 🙂 I’m saying that with a smile. I appreciate you being here and saying that. Thank you!
καὶ κρατήσας τῆς χειρὸς τοῦ παιδίου λέγει αὐτῇ Ταλιθα κοῦμι· ὅ ἐστιν μεθερμηνευόμενον Τὸ κοράσιον σοὶ λέγω ἔγειραι
Then he took the child by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum”fn (which is translated, “Little girl, I say to you, get up”).
When Jesus raised the little girl from death (Mark 5) and she woke up and walked, the people were “astounded” He said, “Wake up.” And she obeyed.
Thank you for posting this. Thank you for saying “Wake up!” I’m grieved that you have to. I’m grieved that so many of us are sleeping, and not hearing our Savior tell us to get up and walk. I’m grieved that we’re so afraid of waking up that we ask such stupid and offensive questions.
My 62 year old white woman self was wishing I had children at home to homeschool so I could buy your book. Then I realized how silly that was. I won’t have to answer any questions about who I am and what I do to buy any book I want to read. But that’s the world I live in.
Thank you so very much for this.
I don’t know how the Twitter algorithm picks what random things to show me, but I’m so grateful it got it right this time. Thank you for sharing this experience, and thank you for your fantastic post. Thank you for describing another case in which “conservatism” has become an idolatrous religion by folks who don’t much seem to care what they put the name of Christ on.
—a retired homeschool mom in Alabama who would love to check out at least three of those talks
I’m glad that the algorithm led you here. Thank you for appreciating my speaking topics.
First, I’m sorry. Second, I hope people within that particular homeschooling movement will have the backbone to speak up. Thirdly, I hope and pray that once the organization knows better, they will do better. But, with my decades-long experience in how Christian organizations respond to those who speak truth to power, I won’t be holding my breath. Sign. Dianne Darr Couts, Advocate, Author, Speaker
I know 🙁 It’s hard to be hopeful, but I’ll keep on keepin’ on.
Hello Amber. I’m a Christian and a black veteran homeschool mom. I started homeschooling in the late 90s. When I started, homeschooling was in its infancy stage and curriculum was limited. My reason for homeschooling was ultimately to provide a godly education. In regards to conferences, yes I was outnumbered but because everyone there was embarking upon a new adventure I didn’t feel excluded. After reviewing the reply from the conference coordinator I read remorse and an apology. My lady sometimes we have step back and ask God for wisdom. Philippians 4:8 is the scripture I use to evaluate a situation., however I won’t say I use it all the time sometimes I use Terese 4:8 when my emotions are in front and center. lol here’s the verse Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.
Is it true that this conference is promoting…you fill in the blanks. I’m sorry you had to deal with that and I pray that God we will start seeking wisdom and discernment from the His word and not the world. God bless.
I’m afraid that I don’t quite understand your comment, so it’s best if I don’t respond without more clarity, but I did want to say thank you for being here.
Amber,
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, but I’m grateful you’re sharing. I am so excited to meet/hear/see you in person in Virginia soon for our upcoming convention. I have followed you a few years and have learned so much from you. I am not excited about all speakers coming, but I will be at all of your sessions. You have done so much good already.
Thank you so much, Sarah. I’m really looking forward to speaking in VA, and it will be fun to see you there.
Thank you sharing in detail here. I hear you and my goodness, Baldwin’s words are so relevant. Shame on those who call themselves Christian, say they love Jesus whom they haven’t seen, and hate the brother or sister they do see. Praying for change. Thanks for being a voice. Mamas everywhere need you.
I’m so glad that you felt it was relevant! I was hoping that people would get the connection. Thanks for reading and watching.
I am so so so sorry this happened Amber. You have literally changed my mind on the topic of diversity in homeschool, which has had ripple effects in the rest of my life in such good ways. I am ashamed to say that I used to be very closed minded, similarly to the people who were awful to you in this case. Because of your bravery in speaking out, I am now changed. We need your message in the world. It is unacceptable that people are treating you like this. I will be praying for peace and strength as you hold to your boundaries and protect yourself, while still speaking the truth as you so beautifully do.
Please don’t be ashamed. When we know better, we do better, and you’re doing better. I am too!
I am so sorry this happened to you. I read every word horrified that this would happen in 2023. Will we ever get past this kind of thing?!? I was a homeschooling mom for 16 years. I’m white and the vast majority of people in my homeschooling circles were also white… I always just thought that was because it happens to be white people who are drawn to homeschooling…. but now I wonder if there was something more beneath the surface that I never saw. It’s embarrassing to think about.
When I read your comment about attendees approaching you and saying ignorant things, all I could think was, “I hope I never made ignorant comments to anyone!” Because that’s the thing about ignorance… by very definition, the ignorant don’t know they are ignorant until someone opens their eyes. And really, until they are willing to have their eyes opened.
One thing is for sure. This sort of thing should never happen in the body of Christ… it should never have happened in history and it most certainly should not be happening now.
Calling it out, publicly and by name, was the right thing to do. I think so many of us are completely unaware that this happens …. it would never happen in OUR circles, or OUR churches or among the people we know and love, right?!? And we can’t speak out about a thing we don’t know exists. What happened to you was wrong. I appreciate your sharing.
I know that some people are unaware, which is what ultimately made me decide to share. Thank you for your support and validation.
Thank you for your insight. I enjoy what you have to say as it is very enlightening. I want to point out how hard it was for me to read this small type and color of print on this background. Such a trivial thing, I know, but if something happens to be difficult to navigate or see, it is less likely to be completely read or understood as some things could be glossed over due to the inability to focus. Please consider changing type, size and color to better accommodate your readers. Thank you for your consideration.
I don’t know how to do that myself, so when I’m able to hire someone to help, I’ll be sure to prioritize that.
Oof what a powerful article! Having been a hispanic homeschool mom the absence of BIPOC was felt. Observationally the problem you noted in this realm is not capsulated only to homeschool circles. Christian Nationalism is problematic and anti Christ. I am glad you spoke up and it’s unfortunate the response was still full of gas lighting. This article was shared by my bonus daughter who is currently homeschooling our precious girl whi is hispanic and black. Seeing you at the conference would have been such a gift and it’s sad that the CFHE proved to allow their supremecy to reign.
Thank you for reading everything and for sharing your thoughts on their response. I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to spell out the issues with it, but I’m glad that you see and know.
I’m so sorry to hear that you had to go through this, and have had to go through these sorts of experiences your whole life.
Thank you for speaking up about it and for exposing the racism and discrimination that is built into many of these events that promote themselves as loving and inclusive.
It’s 2023. We all have the internet. There are hundreds of amazing advocates and wonderful books at our fingertips. Ignorance is not an excuse.
Thank you for understanding and for pointing out that there are many resources available to increase understanding.
My fellow-Simple-Homeschooling-Contributor and sister in Christ,
I am so sorry this happened to you. Thank you for standing up even though you should NOT have to do that. Thank you for making a difference in the homeschooling community. What a loss for their conference to have missed out on having you share all due to ridiculous assumptions and ignorance.
I am sending my love to you across the seas today as you rest in the Arms of the Everlasting.
Well done friend x
Lusi, thank you so much for reaching out to me and for your love.
The reason why I stopped going to conferences we (biracial) family didnt fit in. Even in my own town we still don’t. I have for the last 6yrs have kept to my self. We do piano and marital arts. I refuse to join groups or co-ops. My last two co-ops was failures. I also don’t teach black history cause it’s depressing. If there needs to be a discussion we can have it but that’s it. I treat my space and homeschooling like Switzerland.
Sorry this happened to you TTD was the worse same people, same subjects every year. I asked for a change in subjects or people got nothing.
I’m sorry that you’ve experienced the pain of not belonging, and I hope that the right community finds you and welcomes you in with open arms. I understand how hard some aspects of Black history are; it can be so difficult to process the tragedy and weight of it all. If you’re ever interested, I have lots of resources here on my website that speak to Black joy – our poetry, music, art, etc. And a chapter of my book is devoted to the joyful aspects of our history. There’s so much more than slavery to explore. I do speak at TTD now, so maybe your requests were heard. Your voice matters.
I am heart broken over your experience. Until we, as the church, step into multicultural covenant body life, we can never fully see or understand God’s view of His kingdom.
May God’s grace and peace fill your days, sweet lady.
I appreciate your kind words. Thank you.
I’m so sorry that this happened (and happens) to you and other black mothers, Amber. You matter. Your voice matters. Thank you for all you do to enrich the homeschool community and make education more equitable for POC. I plan to read your book soon and am carrying this post with me on my homeschooling journey, hoping to center black voices.
Thank you for adding my book into your rotation. I hope that you enjoy it.
So a few things stand out to me in their responses. 1) They are “sorry” but blame it on the vetting process (in the “uninvite,”) rather than admitting any wrongdoing of singling you out for those questions versus any of the other speakers. Rather than address any of your responses to those divisive questions, the response was just to apologize (not repent) and remove you from the conference. 2) in the social media post, they played the victim…”we asked forgiveness (I didn’t see that but maybe that was in another correspondence,) and she said she forgave us.” Thus, now you’re the bad guy because you should just forgive and not say anything further about what occurred? Forgiveness doesn’t mean you don’t address injustice. 3) 4) Then they pull the “We are very loving toward the black community with some of our own family inlaws from Africa” card! Because you have in-laws from Africa, that means what in this situation? That you’re justified asking those questions of a black woman you invited to speak, but not of anyone else? How is that loving…towards a sister in Christ, much less the black community? 5) In the official response on their webpage, “While the situation is more nuanced than has been presented, our vetting process needed work. We are addressing that.” So it is “more nuanced” means that somehow the whole story isn’t being told…calling into question your integrity. And again, blaming the vetting process instead of taking the hit and saying they were WRONG in asking you those questions which was not loving. 6) From their official response: “We want to reflect Jesus more beautifully, which includes admitting mistakes and being willing to learn from them. That is what we are striving to do.” Admitting mistakes…means just that. No excuses. Saying you’re sorry is not an admittance of having done wrong.
Lastly, my hope is that their board DO THE WORK, the deep work of “understanding the complexity of the problem or our contribution to it.”
I’m a white woman married to a black man for going on 26 years….mom to two young adult black men that I birthed and homeschooled for a period of their lives. I’ve made my share of mistakes being in a black family that have caused me to have to go to my in-laws and repent. Things I just didn’t know in my lived experience that my husband and sons, and extended family deal with that I never have or will. But once I began to see, there was no longer any excuse to stay ignorant.
Stand strong. Continue to speak the truth in love (which I believe you did,) and I pray you will be strong and courageous.
ALL OF THAT. #5 is what bothers me the most. I left out the irrelevant in-between emails and didn’t name the women that communicated with me directly to protect THEM, and now they’re saying that there’s more to the story. Two board members asked for my forgiveness. I forgave one for asking me those questions that she said didn’t come from her but she just passed along from another concerned Board member. That was BEFORE they uninvited me, so it was “I’m so sorry for passing along those questions” and then “You can’t speak here,” sooo it’s a bit confusing, as you may imagine. I forgave the other woman after being uninvited for her part in the process. She was kind the entire time but represents a Board that did the wrong thing. Me forgiving two people who apologized for what they did doesn’t mean that the entire Board is absolved from any responsibility for what happened. Some of the Board members “had reservations” and the vetting process was messed up. I don’t even know what that means. It’s like I’m darned if I do and darned if I don’t. If I had shared the names and emails the two ladies sent me in full, I’m sure that my integrity would have been called into question for revealing their personal info and communications. I only shared the screenshot of the official Board response that the Board was copied on and that they can all take responsibility for rather than initiate attacks on individual women who seem to be the bearers of bad news in this case. This isn’t about individuals and them feeling bad about their individual roles. This is about an organization with a governing Board that chose this road with absolutely no rational explanation. I get the sense that they feel that forgiving two individuals for their parts in this meant that I wasn’t supposed to call the Board into question or that I forfeited my ability to tell the story. Any nuance beyond that is lost on me. Thank you for breaking down the other things that I’m just too weary to explain. You see it, and you understand. Thank you.
Amber I am so sorry. What they did was just wrong but reading your story shows me you reflect so much of Christ love and grace while at the same time drawing attention to the darkness of injustice. I’m grateful you have showed up in the space despite all the wrong. Things will get better. I believe you are inspiring, changing minds, and encouraging others everyday.
Thank you for always being so supportive, Terri. I appreciate you.
I’m a Christian, but this is why I’ve avoided the Christian co-ops. I can’t guarantee that they would be safe spaces for my Black children. Thankfully, there is a welcoming secular co-op in our area.
It’s so interesting (and sad) that the secular spaces are more welcoming than many of the Christian spaces. I could write a whole article on that alone.
Amber, your Plutarch post is the reason I turned down the CM path. After reading more of your posts, I felt a huge sense of relief to have finally found my homeschool crowd. Now, after learning that this conference is somewhat close to me, I feel a tremendous loss that I could have heard you speak in person. I have often thought of thanking you for your courage in sharing your homeschool journey so publicly. I realize even more so now what a sacrifice it is to make your voice heard. You are making an impact and creating beauty. Thank you!
Thank you for being here and for letting me know that my work has been useful or inspiring to you. That keeps me going!
Thank you for sharing this experience. It takes so much courage to share something that others may try to deny was wrong! I am filled with grief that this happened to you and continues to happen to other people. Treating people this way is completely wrong and needs to stop. Thank you for continuing to “show up for moms who need to see and hear you.” I am one of those moms. I cherish the insight you provide in your book (A Place to Belong) that I purchased the moment I learned of its existence. Please keep sharing and doing all the work you do. You are a beautiful reflection of the image of God. Thank you.
Thank you for being here and for reading my book. Yes, there are those who are saying that this wasn’t wrong (which is wild to me), but thankfully, there are so many more who see it for what it is.
I am so sorry. As a white mom from a different country/culture I’ve had the same experience. It’s their way on no way. I was raised catholic, but was also taught to be respectful and open towards other religions/cultures. My son knows the bible, but we also study other religions and cultures. I absolutely love meeting people with different backgrounds, because they make my life so much richer. I seriously feel sorry for those hardcore Christians in their little bubbles. Their life seems so gray snd blah to me… And like someone mentioned before, it’s not the Christian way… not truly. It is hard to be a non-hardcore Christian mom in the homeschooling world..
Thank you for understanding. I can see how being from another country/culture would bring up some of these same issues.
I can’t believe what you went through. I’m trying to understand their comment that we have not heard their side. What exactly would that be?? I was raised Christian and the Jesus who I remember is not the Jesus they say they follow. Not.At.All!
I’m confused by that too. Maybe they’re referring to the fact that 2 of their Board members apologized to me, and I forgave them? I never heard from the rest of the Board – the people who “had reservations.” If it’s not that, then I literally have no idea.
I’m a Christian and I currently homeschool. I love a lot of things about it, but this has been a huge problem. I’ve found that often, if you scratch the surface of Christian homeschooling communities, you find White Nationalism. This is just not something that I can safely expose my kids to. This is something I’ve seen in Christian homeschooling curriculum as well.
I really appreciate so much all that you’ve done through this site. The amount of work you have put in to compiling even just your booklists is staggering. Thank you for continuing to stand up for all children and their right to be seen and heard.
It’s hard to be a Christian and feel like so many of the Christian spaces aren’t safe. It makes no sense. They should be the safest places in the world. But this is where we are at this point. Thank you for appreciating my work.
I have left comments of gratitude on your page before without using my first name, in hopes and fears that someone in the area would read my laments and know it was me. But, today I just want to openly say thank you for giving us a voice and allowing us to be seen as we seek to teach our children, while acknowledging and even rejoicing in their Imago Dei. This journey is exhausting and not the actual homeschooling my kids part, but all of the other “environmental aggressions,” ignorance and overt racism we face on a daily basis – even from brothers and sisters in Christ. I often tell friends that so many of us could have written Austin Channing Brown’s most popular book – whose first line resonates in my ears as I commit the offenses to prayer.
We will be committing you and the gift you bring to our family to prayer this week.
Gratefully,
Jacquelyn
Jacquelyn, thank you for showing up with a supportive word and understanding. You’re welcome, and I’m glad that you’re here.
I’m so very sorry this happened to you. I’m a Christian homeschooling mom, but I would be considered quite “liberal” by many other Christian homeschoolers. The way you were treated is awful and should never have happened. I fear many white, conservative Christians are increasingly isolating themselves from the rest of the world and are missing out on so much beauty and richness that could benefit them and their children. It’s sad to see this happening to people who don’t fit the mold, especially people of color. You matter. Your voice and experience as a Black woman matters, and conferences like this are truly missing out to not include you.
Thank you so much for saying this. I read it twice to let it really soak in, and I feel seen.
Amber, this is so brilliantly written. I can’t love your piece enough, and I especially love the James Baldwin clip you included. Thank you for taking the time to craft such a well thought-out, masterful response to the indignities that many of us experience in the homeschool space every day. ✊🏾
I’m so glad you didn’t let them intimidate or silence you! This is the kind of wickedness that needs to be exposed to light and air at every opportunity—I just hate that the “opportunities” are so plentiful.
Thank you for sharing this, Amber. Thank you for having the courage and strength to put this out there. It is not for the faint of heart. Your experience and that of so many other homeschoolers of color must be known. Please keep creating, writing, building community, and teaching.
Thank you for appreciating and supporting my voice…our voices. It means the world to me.
Hi Amber! I’m so sorry that this happened. Icky indeed! After 7 years of homeschooling, I actually stopped because I couldn’t find any Christian curriculum that seemed to embrace more than just white American/European culture. After conducting a ton of research online, it became clear to me that the Christian homeschool movement gained momentum in the 1980s to avoid the embrace of people of color and women as equals in public schools. I want to homeschool again but the thought of being on the margins within society at large, in the church and in the homeschooling world is exhausting. Praying for your resolve and healing from this experience, and praying that I can find the strength and encouragement to continue on the homeschooling path despite the lonely walk.
Thank you for sharing some of your experience and especially for understanding how difficult this has been (and continues to be). I hope that you’re able to settle on a path that fulfills your family and best supports your emotional health. So glad that you’re here!
After reviewing a MOPS Video I too was concerned about your stance on the some of the same subjects. . Specifically CRT. Just like the leaders in charge of the conference (that you are criticizing) I am responsible for what is presented to the audience I lead. After further review we will not be showing your video to our audience. It appears they were just doing their due diligence and ensuring the speakers they were offering to their audience lined up with their beliefs. Clearly they should have done a better job at vetting you and they could have avoided this mess. Hard lesson learned, but they probably won’t make this mistake again.
There was absolutely NOTHING related to CRT in that MOPS video. You are lying in every possible way. You are one of those dangerously toxic (often racist) people who thinks that anytime someone mentions any experience related to being Black, they’re wrong or bad in some way. I reject your misguided and brainwashed ideas and stand firmly behind my video and every single word uttered in it.
I am a homeschooling mother to four beautiful brown babies, though I myself am caucasian. This was moving and accurate and a lot of other words I cannot currently think of. Proud of you, love you as a sister in Christ, and encouraging you throughout your life. Your website is such a blessing to me and my family. Stay strong and keep fighting the annoyingly racist fight that may never cease. One day in Heaven, we will all be together as one body. Wish we could do that here on earth. Again, proud of you, stand with you, and grateful for your work.
Thank you so very much for your kind words. I needed them today more than usual. And that vision of Heaven propels me and gives me so much hope.
I happened upon this post while looking for home education conferences and I really, really wanted the ending to be that this was a night terror not actual reality. I’m so sorry that actually happened and I am appalled by the treatment you endured. There really are no words except “but God.” You are made in His image. XO
Thank you so much, Kristy. I really appreciate your support. I’m so thankful that many have stepped up to say that this type of thing is not right.
I know I’m a bit late to the conversation but I felt moved to say Thank You for showing up for the mom that needs to see you. I know it takes bravery to put yourself out there.
I go to these conferences (not this one specifically) or interact on some of the very popular homeschooling forums, and I don’t agree with A LOT of the stuff they say… including the religious stuff for the most part, and I hate how “whitewashed” so many of our homeschooling options are, but because I’m white, and southern, and a married heterosexual SAHM, I can “pass” so to speak, and often do, by just saying nothing and rarely correcting anyone’s assumptions about who I am. You’ve inspired me to step out of that safe space more often, and be my authentic self. Isn’t there a quote about evil triumphs when good men are silent?
It’s never too late! Thank you so much for your understanding. It really can be difficult to swim upstream, so I understand your hesitation at times. Hopefully, when you speak up, there will be others who feel confident enough to join you.
I am a homeschooling director/wife while my husband teaches our children full-time. It’s an awkward boat to navigate, since we of course belong to a group of local homeschoolers where the primary educator is mom, not dad. I just found your blog after taking a Groundwater Institute course paid for by my workplace. I was so convicted about the ‘whiteness’ of our homeschool and your blog was SUCH a breath of fresh air. I want to thank you for your willingness and bravery to be a public figure in what must often feel a very difficult, hostile environment. I hope you find more friends than foes! May God strengthen you and give you a spirit of power, love, and self-control, not a spirit of fear.
Thank you so much for this encouragement. I most certainly have found more friends than foes, but as you know, it can be disheartening to be met with such contempt while trying to do the right thing. I’ve heard wonderful things about Groundwater. I hope you found the course worthwhile, and I’m so glad that the ideas led you to my website.