“I’ve thought about homeschooling, but I don’t want my kids to be weird.” <<< I think this is such a funny thing for people to say to me because…um…I homeschool my kids. I’m trying to imagine another scenario when you’d tell a mom that you’re uncertain about following in her footsteps because you don’t want your kids to turn out like hers.
But luckily, I’m not offended. When I look up the definition of weird, here’s what I find:
“Of strange or extraordinary character”
Merriam-Webster
Extraordinary, eh? I’m super good with that.
It sounds to me as if homeschooled children are unfamiliar, and we are accustomed to labeling that which we don’t recognize or understand as weird.
From my experience, here’s what makes people say homeschooled kids are weird:
They have intense interests that they frequently and repeatedly discuss with anyone who will listen. Yes, homeschooled kids have “passion projects.” This is the result of having time, support, and a natural growth environment. Children being educated at home have the time to research, study, practice, and perfect any number of niche interests. They generally don’t have homework, and parents often integrate their children’s passions into their school lessons, blurring the lines between school and life. Healthy homes are incubators for inquiry. And when children have the opportunity to delve deep into some sliver of God’s masterful creation, they often uncover something that sets their souls on fire. This is indeed weird. Beautifully weird.
My daughter is no exception. Any of you who have had the opportunity to spend more than 4 or 5 minutes with her know that she is 100% completely and totally sold-out for dolls. She collects dolls, creates clothes for dolls, designs houses for dolls, studies dolls, and generally just finds them to be a special part of her life. When she encounters someone – ANYONE – who will listen to her talk about doll joint articulation and the pros/cons of getting a doll made of vinyl vs. polyethylene, I’m certain that she comes off as weird. Take a look for yourself (and ignore the weirdness of me looking at the camera instead of her #newbieissues):
But there are other reasons that home educated kids are seen as weird:
They wear things that don’t always conform to the latest fashion trends. Well, listen. These kids are busy. They have stuff to do and places to go, and being fashionably dressed and perfectly coiffed doesn’t always top their list of priorities. More often than not, they realize that they don’t look exactly like every other child on the playground or in youth group, and quite frankly, they just don’t care. What some fail to realize is that style is a very personal thing. Most children start out with their own unique sense of style, but it gets socialized right out of them in school. My oldest daughter intentionally chooses to push the envelope with her clothes. She knows precisely what she’s doing and when she’s questioned about her outfit, she’s quick to say, “I like it like this.” This is crazy weird. Wonderfully weird.
They gravitate towards having conversations with adults when they should be off playing with the other children. This is true but not a good representation of the full story. The truth is that homeschooled kids want to have real conversations. They’re used to talking about all manner of things in detail. They want to explore ideas critically and deeply, and they prefer having an equal partner in the conversation. So when homeschooled kids have other children around with whom they can have an interesting conversation, they gravitate towards those other children – not adults. But when they have something to say and no one to hit the verbal ball back over the conversation net, they resort to chatting it up with adults. Seemingly weird but perfectly logical.
They make themselves overly comfortable in new environments. Homeschooled children are comfortable in their own skin, and because it comes from within it follows them wherever they go. So yes, they do tend to feel very at home in other places. They’re trained to extend hospitality within their own homes, and in their naivete they expect reciprocity when they are guests. Our homes are decked out with “Home Sweet Home” and “Welcome” signs, but then we feel some kind of way when people actually feel genuinely welcome. They are kids. They love to be in new spaces and they have no problem curling up on your sofa for a fun game night, even if it’s their first time in your home. I have spent quite a bit of time designing our home to be inviting – that includes the furniture, the ambiance, and the people. Because of this, I consider it the highest compliment when someone is so clearly and visibly at home in my environment. To me, this doesn’t seem as much about homeschooled kids being weird as it is about adults who are uncomfortable that the kids actually are not acting weird in a new environment.
They are socially awkward. “Weird” homeschooled kids say things that cool kids don’t say because they don’t run their every word through the “Am I cool enough?” meter. They are not jaded. They say what’s on their minds and do what seems logical and interesting in the moment. They don’t second-guess their every move because they don’t know that falling in line is supposed to be part of the program. Their childhoods have been fiercely protected, and the term “socially awkward” could be used to define nearly every child who is allowed to just…be. And for the record, in the rare opportunities I’ve had to witness a traditionally-schooled child in the midst of a sea of hoomeschoolers, they seem weird. They are awkward and unsure of themselves and how they fit in with this mass of unfamiliar energy and free-spirited inhibition. So weird has a set-point, and it is recognized according to what a person defines as normal.
But homeschooling is not normal. That’s why we like it.
Our children’s behaviors are the expected result from kids who are not coerced into conformity.
Homeschooled kids are natural. Organic. 100% pesticide free. And as we know, organic veggies come at a higher price and don’t always look like they came off the factory line. The price we choose to pay is accepting that “Monsanto” (mainstream society) may consider our kids weird.
A woman I grew up with had a baby girl who was born with severely atypical physical development. No one expected her to live, but she’s still here. Praise God! She is in a wheelchair and requires around-the-clock care, but she is strong and beautiful with a radiant personality. A few years back, I saw on Facebook where the mother posted a birthday photo of her daughter with the caption:
When others look at my daughter, they see tragedy, but her dad and I see triumph.
I don’t know the mother well, but I’ve never forgotten her words. I’ve never forgotten that example of how some people can see something as negative while you personally see nothing but an overflow of beauty.
Homeschooled kids are not actually weird.
They are free.
When others look at my children, they see weirdness, but their dad and I see freedom.
And do you want to know something funny? This is not necessarily exclusive to homeschooling. Some of my friends’ traditionally-schooled kids are weird kids too. And as I made this connection while writing this post, a new thought came to me:
Weird kids come from weird parents.
Parents, regardless of whether they homeschool or not, who actively choose to fight for their child’s right to a real childhood are often deemed weird and their kids are the natural outflow of that determined DNA.
So yes, my kids are super weird. And may their “strange and extraordinary character” follow them all the days of their lives.
You can find me on Instagram @heritagemomblog. See you there!
Weird is exceptional! Love this post. I am so glad to be weird too!
Yep! It’s a badge of honor. Who knew? Lol
Thanks for the insight on “weirdness”. I now wear the label as a badge of honor. If “self-educated” falls within the category of “home-schooled”, then I am a proud member of an elite group.
Yep, join the crew! You’re official, lol.
This is so beautiful. Things are shifting. The weird kids ARE the cool kids. Keep doing the work. Thank you for sharing. Truly.
Thank you for taking the time to read it! I hope it brings hope to many.
I completely agree with the statement “They say what’s on their minds and do what seems logical and interesting in the moment.” I did that when I was a teen meeting 36 other kids at a summer camp, and they would all look at me weirdly whenever I said something, because they didn’t get it. After a while, I just closed up and didn’t talk anymore until I learned that was how life was going to be, and just got over it.
I think that happens more often than we care to think. I hope that you were able to find your voice again!
Fantastic article! FREE INDEED! Right on!
Thank you for sharing your excellent thoughts and observations!
– Kit, a homeschooled kid who grew into a homeschool mom…so weird on 2 counts, I guess –
Double weird! I love it.
“Weird kids come from weird parents.” <—- Absolutely! I'm weird and I own it as much as possible. I hope my kids will do the same. 🙂
Same here, girl!
Amber, my son and I ( yep this is the correct way to say that in England🤣) watched your video with daughter and loved it. He was so excited to find a likeminded homeschooled hobbyist. He is into cardboard construction, Imotion animation and marvel character cosplay and customisation. I particularly wanted my son to watch your daughter as I see him struggling with forgoing his hobbies to be with in-crowd cool kids. This blog and video worked like a charm in sparking that flame. I saw a glint in his eye. Great tip on the YouTube channel compromise. I struggle with YouTube too. Thank you for sharing.
That’s so cool! I’m glad that he liked it, and it’s nice to hear that they have some things in common.
Love this perspective! And it is so true.
And I love your daughter’s passion for dolls. I have some Japanese Blythe dolls that I find so fun, and I’m ready to build a doll house with her. 😂
Thank you! They don’t mean it as such, but it really is a compliment once we realize where it’s coming from. And go ahead and build that house, girl, lol.
I grew up as a kid with “special needs” and had to fight every teacher I had to see past a diagnosis to a person. I even had a teacher say “kids like you aren’t in my classes”. I’m incredibly smart and actually did so well I impressed and totally converted that particular advanced credit teacher, most of my teachers actually. But I Hated feeling like I started with negative points when I entered a new classroom. I was so busy fighting the “school battle” I had no time to have fun, go to extra curricular activities or make friends. I didn’t fit in and couldn’t figure out why.
My husband has the same “special needs”. He was homeschooled. When I met him right out of high school he was confident, had deep knowledge on interesting topics and loved to learn. He also dressed and acted in a way that life had taught me was never ok and basically a death sentence. It took him years to convince me that the freedom he felt could be possible for our kids too. It’s still an honest struggle to accept the weirdness (years of being bullied has made me scared of it) but I’m taking it a day at a time.
Thankfully (for me) my oldest is obsessed with marine biology-something I can totally run with and my youngest’s is Music and plants.
I hate that you had to deal with that growing up because it’s complete nonsense. I’m glad you won that particular teacher over, but you shouldn’t ever start from a deficit when meeting someone. And praise God for your husband and his confidence! Your children’s interests sound perfect to me.
Yes!!! And I LOVED hearing Nina talk about her hobby and passion.
P.S. my daughter loves to go everywhere on unicycle and will carry around a Fanny pack full of balloons to make people balloon animals. I love the freedom our children have to be exactly who God created them to be.
Yes, me too! And I love that she likes to make people SMILE. That’s so sweet. I can’t believe how quickly our girls are growing up.
Loved your video with Nina. Her passion is awesome. Thanks for sharing. Homeschooling rocks.
Thank you! She was a good sport for doing it with me. And I agree – homeschooling rocks!
Love this Amber! Nina’s passion and confidence is so inspiring! She is growing up way too fast! Great job mom!
Thank you, Tish! She’s a pretty neat kid. I think I like her {{{wink}}}
Love this post! I see some of all my kids in it. But I showed the video to my oldest because she also likes to make doll clothes, has made a cardboard house, and furniture for her mini American girl doll! She immediately told me we should have your daughter over!
Oh I love that so much! My daughter is always wishing for another doll-loving playmate as she hasn’t met any IRL friends to share her passion with.
Loved this post and the video with your daughter! My daughter is a doll lover too and she really liked watching her. 🙂 I agree with your rationale of “weird” kids and glad of a different way of thinking about my “weird” kids too. 🙂
Thank you for letting me know that your daughter enjoyed the video. My daughter will get such a kick out of that! And yes, just reframing the way we think about the word and WHY people constantly say that about homeschoolers helps so much.
I love this! My kids are all grown now, but you know what? They are still “weird” in the ways you describe. 🙂
Ha! I’m glad they didn’t lose it when they got older. Now they can pass it on down to the grandchildren 🙂
Hey Amber. Glad to have come across your post. I actually saw you on the Charlotte Mason Inspired conference and loved your talk. Life giving books…..I need me some of those🤔. Talk about weirdness. I am a weird momma with weird boys who are so passionate about the animal kingdom, world history and creating stories. They would literally rush to find a quiet space to consume huge animal facts books and world history books. I really loved it when your daughter responded by saying who cares! We ought to stay true to ourselves and how God has created us. I am truly inspired by the video. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for saying that. I was a little worried about that video because we’ve never done one before and we didn’t practice, but I wanted it to be real and unscripted. And I’m that mom who would sit and listen to your boys talk all about their passions!
You described my homeschool son exactly and he’s only 9! Love this!
I’m glad that it resonated with you! I’m sure I would love him if we met.
Love this post. Thank you!
You’re so welcome. Thanks for taking the time to read it!