In Why I Need a Black Homeschool Group: Part 1, I explained why I started an in-person support group for black homeschoolers and its immediate impact on my family. I gave an overview of what led to the decision and how it has benefited my family and others, but I didn’t answer the million-dollar question of why being around other black homeschoolers has felt so doggone good.
I’m not a sociologist or a professional researcher, so I’m not attempting to give you a scientific, peer-reviewed breakdown. I’m just sharing my two cents on why black folks need other black folks. I’m not attempting to speak for black people everywhere [Do I even need to say that?]. These are my personal observations and reflections along with what other families have shared with me.
- I know that some of what I’m writing will make people uncomfortable. Talking about this stuff is uncomfortable, but maybe it won’t always be that way.
- I’m going to speak from the perspective of educating the many white homeschooling moms – some well-meaning and others not – who have asked me why I felt the need to start a black group when I already had a good [white] group, but it may also be eye-opening for black homeschoolers who haven’t pursued participation in a black support group.
- While a lot of my reflections extend beyond homeschooling world, I’m specifically talking about homeschoolers right now because there are additional nuances that may or may not change things if I looked at broader society.
- I’m not going to keep writing “many white people” and “many black people.” I’m just going to say “white people” and “black people,” so let’s agree up front that we all know that nothing anyone says about any group of people is going to cover every single member of that group. Agreed? Now we don’t have to worry about getting side-tracked over the minutiae while missing the main point. Now…
[clearing my throat…wiping the sweat from my arm pits]
…here are my thoughts on the necessity of black homeschool groups:
Bi-cultural: having or combining the cultural attitudes and customs of two nations, peoples, or ethnic groups
1. Black homeschoolers are bi-cultural. We have our own culture, and we’re fluent in your culture as well. We’ve assimilated, to varying degrees, and learned how to be more like white people which makes you really comfortable being around some of us. But you don’t know our culture. We have a way of doing things and a way of being that you aren’t aware of, and I can barely explain it to you. It’s so hard to put into words. We respond to various situations differently, and we have an unwritten code of social behavior that we subconsciously learn and act upon that is different than your code of acceptable behavior. In short, when we’re with you, sometimes there is a festering feeling of being a visitor in someone else’s lovely home. Sometimes we want to put our feet up on the couch, let our hair down, and relax.
Code-switch: the practice of alternating between two or more languages or varieties of language in conversation
2. Black homeschoolers code-switch. We have our own way of communicating that extends beyond what you would call slang or “improper” English. It used to be called Ebonics, but it’s now known as Black Vernacular English. It’s not wrong; it’s just different from how you talk. It is “characterized by pronunciations (phonology), syntactic patterns (grammar), and morphological features (inflections) that in many instances also occur in other varieties of English,” and sometimes we want to use it. It’s like your messy bun hairstyle. You know how to do your hair in other styles, but you like the messy bun – even if other people think you look undone. When we’re with you, we have to talk like you or you’ll be confused, uncomfortable, or judge us. When we’re alone, we can speak however we want to speak with no fear of judgement because we all know that we code-switch. I once heard a guy say that he wants a wife he can take to Waffle House or the White House because she’s comfortable at both places. That’s us. We can mix it up.
3. Black adults relate differently to black children. In our white group, the moms are nice women who are very kind to my children, but my kids don’t have a relationship with them that extends beyond “you’re the mother of my friend.” There is warmth and kindness but also a sense of formality. I never saw this as a big deal because that’s how I related to most of my friends’ moms growing up, too. It seemed normal. But in our black group, the moms are surrogate mamas who reach out for warm embraces from my kids and serve as sounding boards for their wacky ideas and recipients of their silly stunts. The relationship includes a heart-melting amount of emotional and physical intimacy that developed in a relatively short time. I’m sorry that I can’t explain how or why this is. I don’t know for sure, but I suspect that it could be cultural because it doesn’t appear that the moms in my white group treat my children any differently than they treat each other’s kiddos.
4. Black homeschooled children behave differently. When we (black moms) are with you (white moms), we have hawk-eyes on our children. We feel the intense pressure of representing allllllllll black families when we’re with you. If our kids legitimately misbehave or act “wild” (according to your definition) we think that you’ll think that all black kids are “bad” or wild, and what you think matters because…we want to be accepted. {insert shoulder shrug}.
When black moms are alone with other black moms, our children are on a much longer leash, and they have more freedom to be themselves. Why? Because when children are let alone they sometimes do little naughty things. We know that. We know that all children can and will misbehave at times. We quickly address the misbehavior and then return to our adult conversation without ever once wondering what the other moms are thinking about our little black kids. That’s when they’re legitimately misbehaving.
But there are also the times when they’re not misbehaving (according to us) but you think they are (according to you). We can tell that you disapprove because you look aghast, you look uncomfortable, you chastise our children, or you pull your good child away from our bad child’s negative influence. The easiest example I can give for this is volume. Yes, volume. As in how loud something is.
Our kids are louder than yours. Our kids are more physically demonstrative than yours. And we’re OK with that. In fact, they probably learned it from us. White homeschool parties are quiet. Black homeschool parties are not. White homeschool play dates are quiet. Black homeschool play dates are not. White conversations are calm and…quiet. Black conversations are spirited and…loud. Loud black kids often make white people uncomfortable and they are constantly telling our kids to “Shhhh! Be quiet,” and that makes our kids, and us, uncomfortable.
I had to explain it as us being loud so you could understand what I mean, but in reality, we’re not loud. That’s our normal volume. But since white people don’t like it, it has become known as being “too loud,” and it is often connected to being wild or ignorant. We’re not wild. We’re certainly not ignorant. It’s cultural.
Our kids move around a lot – when they’re talking and when they’re not. It’s not ADHD (it could be, but that’s not what I’m talking about). It’s not misbehavior. It’s normal to US. We are demonstrative and expressive. That’s also cultural.
So, being in a black homeschool group is refreshing because our kids can just be kids. The room sounds different, the kids are moving differently, the adults are speaking differently, and the topics of conversation are different. Not always but often.
5. We want to do black stuff. Not occasionally or just in February, but frequently. As in, we do black stuff with our kids a lot. And we’re pretty sure that you and your kids don’t want to do that much black stuff.
I want to share one little example of why representation matters. We attended the Nutcracker by The Atlanta Ballet two or three years in a row with our white group. It was at the beautiful Fox Theater in downtown Atlanta, it was so nice, and my girls really liked it. When we got in the car, my youngest daughter said, “That was so fun! I love watching those ballerinas!” I felt good about that, and I was pleased that she enjoyed the show.
Fast-forward to after I started Heritage Homeschoolers. Our group took the children to see The Urban Nutcracker, a lovely performance by a small ballet company at a small community theater. The entire production featured black ballerinas and male ballet dancers.
“Urban Nutcracker” takes place on Atlanta’s own Sweet Auburn Avenue in the 1940s. Enjoy the soulful celebration, the majestic journey and the whimsical and mysterious characters, including the Reggae Ragdolls, the sultry Arabian dancers, the spinning and leaping Black Russian, Mother Spice and her tumbling Spice Drops, the bubbly Coca Cola Pas de Six, and the elegant Brown Sugar and her Chocolatier. “Urban Nutcracker” is to “The Nutcracker” as “The Wiz” is to the “Wizard of Oz.”
After the show, my girls excitedly climbed into the backseat, and my youngest daughter said “That was AMAZING! I want to be a ballerina!“
“I love watching those ballerinas” vs. “I want to be a ballerina.” Small nuance. Critical difference. After watching a stage full of white ballerinas in an elegant theater, my sweet girl wanted to watch them again. After watching a stage full of black ballerinas on a little “rinky-dink” stage, my baby wanted to BE a ballerina. And that’s why representation matters.
Black moms search high and low for opportunities for their children to see black people in all types of arenas. We’ll drive an hour each way for a black pediatrician {raising my hand}. We’ll pay $83 for a collector’s version of a black Rapunzel Barbie or $56 for a black GI Joe in a dapper uniform that we know will get trampled and tossed about {raising both hands}. We will spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars to create a home library full of so many books with black characters that our kids would look at you sideways if you told them that black books are hard to find. And the list goes on. Our kids hunger for black stuff, and we’ll do anything to provide it.
But we’re pretty sure that you don’t have that same hunger for providing black experiences and things for your kids. And we get it. Are you going to the Urban Nutcracker? Are your kids going to read black books all year long in a homeschool book club? Are you going to try to attend every black performance you can find and afford? Are you going to include the role blacks played in any and every historical activity or event?
If not, why would you think that my family wants to do all white stuff all the time?
Sure, sometimes things are just neutral. We all enjoy the zoo, the aquarium, and the science museum. But we’re not only looking for someone to join in during field trips. We’re also looking for holistic enrichment that will help grow our children’s minds and hearts in a healthy, truthful, supportive way.
And yes, my white group does do “black” stuff. I put things on the calendar, and they come. Why? Because they’re good people who want their kids to know about black history and culture. So it’s not like my kids can never get that from a white group. However, I plan 100% of those activities, and I’m careful not to put too many on the calendar lest I be seen only as the “black” mom. With Heritage…the more, the merrier. The families come to our group for the salve, and I don’t have to hold back.
6. Wanting to be around black homeschoolers doesn’t mean that we don’t want to be around you. If that was true, I would have quit my white group two years and one month ago (the day I started the black group). The two are not mutually exclusive. I can want to be around black people AND white people. I like them both. I like to be around them together (though the opportunity rarely arises), I obviously don’t terribly mind being around white people by myself (I’ve done it my whole life), but sometimes I want to be around other black homeschoolers ALONE – without you.
One of my white “friends” (not sure how close we can ever be if she keeps saying dumb stuff) told me that she felt that my black group was reverse racism. She said that she would get in trouble if she started a white homeschooling group or a white mom’s group.
After blinking several times and considering how much I should say given that I was standing in her kitchen, I calmly explained to her that there is NO NEED for her to start a white group because she already has one. Almost everything everywhere in our local homeschooling community is white. There’s no shortage of white anything here. She actually DOES have a white homeschool group, but they don’t have to write “white” on it. It’s white because it’s full of white people. And she DOES have a white mom’s group. We were in it together and it was called MOPS. It’s white because it’s full of white people. What is the difference?
She said the difference was that she didn’t say that black people couldn’t join her group. Aha! And therein lies the problem. I didn’t say that white people couldn’t join my group either. It’s just not for them. They can get in where they fit in, just like I do with my kids. But they’ll be the only ones, and it may be awkward. And it may not fulfill them. And they may not like doing black stuff and talking about black stuff all the time. Just.Like.It.Is.For.Us.
Furthermore, I pointed out that when I was on our Worldschooling trip in Bolivia, the handful of Americans I met were always getting together ALONE (as in, without any Bolivians). Only Americans were invited to the little outings or shared meals, and they specifically stated that sometimes they just wanted to be with other Americans. They said it was so refreshing and it filled them up. They looked for each other. They set up a Facebook group to help them find other Americans, and when they were together they spoke English even though they were all fluent in Spanish. Hmm…sounds awfully familiar to me.
Do these Americans living abroad, sitting around eating imported American food, talking in English about American stuff, hate Bolivians? Are they racist?
Does anyone even think to ask them that?
A couple of years ago, one of my white mom friends said, “I’m going to sign my daughters up for ballet so they can be around some other girls. All of the neighbor kids are boys, our church small group is full of boys, and all of their cousins are boys. Boys, boys, boys!!! Arrrggghhhh! The girls get along so well with all of their boy friends, but sometimes they just want to play baby dolls or be girly.”
So do you think she hates boys?
Now let me add that this particular friend also has a 3rd child…a boy. He’s the youngest in the family, and they’re not having any more kids, so he is her baby. He is a mama’s boy, and she loves him dearly.
So now do you think she hates boys?
Nope, she doesn’t. She thinks boys are rock stars. She loves them to pieces. But she also recognizes that girls and boys are different. They play differently and often have different interests. Her daughters miss the type of interaction they get with other little girls, so she’s doing what she can to get them that interaction.
It seems normal that Americans living outside of America seek each other. No one called that out as being a bad thing. It seems normal to orchestrate play time with other girls for your daughters, and my friend felt so free to share that story. So why have I been challenged and shamed for sharing that my children need interaction with other black children? It makes you wonder, doesn’t it?
8. We get a break from being politically-correct. We don’t have to hold back or bite our tongues or risk offending people. We don’t have to endure overhearing conversations that may or may not have been meant for our ears. We don’t have to listen to clueless people make excuses for racist behavior. Donald Trump doesn’t exist in our homeschool group. Politics are rarely discussed. There is absolutely 0% chance that any of the moms in the room have “liked” racist FB pages or racist political memes or belong to FB groups of organizations known for hating or marginalizing black people – EVEN IF the groups are hiding behind a curtain of professed Christianity. No one talks about making America great again. No one thinks there were good people on both sides in Charlottesville. No one has Confederate flags in their homes, on their clothing, or on their vehicle, and no one wants their children around people who do. No one cares who sits or stands for the anthem, but it would never even come up because no one is singing the anthem at our homeschool events. So yeah, it’s a little different.
Sidenote: Facebook has single-handedly reduced the list of homes my children are allowed to visit by 50%. I don’t have time to be on there snooping around looking at what everyone says and likes. But the little algorithms or whatever make stuff just pop up on my app. I have found out A TON about what my white homeschool friends think and feel by seeing what they comment on, like, and join on Facebook. Sometimes it validates what I already know about them, but other times I have been utterly shocked. So, if you have a racist footprint on FB, please don’t be surprised if I turn down every invitation you extend to my children from now until eternity. Sadly, most of the people this applies to are ignorantly oblivious or in denial, but still. And if I let my kids come to your house, but then I say that we mysteriously can’t come over when your mom and dad are there…Just assume that I’ve seen THEIR comments and likes on FB, too. And there is just no way they can be near my babies.
9. Black moms are vigilant about finding affirming curriculum resources. We share these resources with each other, and give a heads up (or a primal scream) when we run across materials that need to be avoided. And you haven’t seen anything until you see some black moms hand paint or re-color pictures, books, dolls, and other items with brown paint, marker, or the computer. We may love the material, or can’t find anything better, but refuse to present only images of white people in all of our children’s studies and play time. So, the networking that goes on among black homeschoolers is vital and full of info that can’t be found elsewhere. It’s the same as getting a reliable pediatrician or dentist recommendation, but even more important.
10. Black women relate differently to other black women. This is another one of those things that I can’t completely explain. The part I do understand is that there are shared things that are part of the black experience in America, and other black homeschool moms understand it without me having to explain it. They know that I cringe a little every time a white woman coos at my beautiful black little boys because I wonder whether she will still find them sweet and attractive when they’re 12 or 15 or 35. I don’t have to tell her that I feel that way because she feels that way too, so she already knows.
I don’t have to tell her that I woke up 3 hours early to unbraid, wash, condition, and detangle my daughter’s hair. She can look at her hair and see that for herself. She knows to go out of her way to tell my girls that their hair is beautiful and special. And she knows that I will do the same with her girls.
She knows that it’s taking EVERYTHING inside of me to bite my tongue and plaster a smile on my face when my daughter tells me that she wants to be on swim team – the swim team where they will be in the chlorinated pool five mornings a week for six weeks. She knows that I’m sick about the prospect of trying to keep her hair healthy during this time, but there is no way in the world that I’d ever tell my daughter that she can’t do something because of her hair. We were raised that way, and we’re not doing it to our girls…but she still gets that it’s hard for me.
She knows that I’m not going to eat or feed my kids before coming to an event at her house because she knows that I know that she’s going to have a full spread of food. She’ll have too much food – more than we could or would ever eat – and it will be delicious. It’s her way of saying “I love you.” We don’t have to tell each other because we already know.
She knows that if she sees my kids running around outside with no shoes on she has the right to tell them to put on some shoes because that’s not something that we do. We don’t really have a fully fleshed out reason for this rule, but she does know that it’s a rule anyway.
I’m not sure, but maybe it’s because of these things, and a hundred others like them, that the timeline for relational transparency and intimacy between black homeschool moms is so much shorter.
Or maybe there’s some completely different reason.
Admittedly, I don’t know.
All I know is that I have very close friendships with some white homeschool moms. Some of my very best friends are white. {I started laughing when I typed that. Some of you will know why.} I’m definitely not saying that white and black homeschool moms can’t develop close friendships because that’s just not true. What I’m saying is that it usually takes a long time. And black homeschool moms can get extremely close so fast that it makes your head spin. It reminds me of a meme I saw that said,
Friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest. It’s about who walked into your life, said “I’m here for you” and proved it.
Three months after starting my black homeschool group, I felt closer to some of the moms there than I did with any of the moms in my white group after several years of participation. I never saw that coming.
Conclusion: There are many reasons that black homeschool groups are necessary, and I’ve highlighted some of those reasons here. Some of them are obvious while others aren’t so…black and white. {Ha! I couldn’t resist.} If you asked me about it and I sent you a link to this post as my response (which is what I plan to do going forward), I hope this answered your questions.
If you’re white and this post offends you, please use this newfound information as an opportunity for self-reflection and to gain wisdom. If you’re black and feel this doesn’t represent your reality, please consider that we are not a monolithic people so leave room in your mind for the fact that the black homeschool moms I know do feel this way. If you’re white or black and think that what I wrote here is not true, please search deeply inside to determine whether you actually believe that none of it is true…or if you just desperately wish that it wasn’t.
Read on to find out how my need to be around black people reconciles with my commitment to working towards racial reconciliation.
This is Beautiful and Wonderful! While I understand your need to follow the series with Racial Reconciliation, at the end of the day, my heart will always be to Homeschool with framilies that represent our heritage.
I’m so glad it resonated with you! I know it has been the right thing for my family, and I only wish I’d pursued it sooner. Better late than never…and here’s too many, many years of building community. xoxo
Beautifut written, as always, and very eye-opening. I’ve been an American/English speaker abroad for long stretches so I certainly understand much of what you’re communicating. There is nothing wrong with sometimes needing to be around like-minded people with an intrinsic cultural connection. Tnx for sharing, Amber.
I’m so glad that you’re able to relate to the experiences in some way. Traveling abroad definitely allowed me to draw some parallels as well!
Very informative!. It truly depicts my own feelings that I couldn’t myself put into words. This homeschooling adventure is so new to us along with the need to teach our children to have proud and awareness in our own culture. It always sadden me when our kids would come home speaking about “white” culture and knew nothing of our culture. I knew we had to do something, so we begin schooling from home. Our homeschool group as taught myself and our children so much about our culture along with being a strong support.
You’re not alone there, Tika! While we weren’t “woke” enough to start homeschooling because of this, it has been an amazing added blessing. Of course, God knew what our kids needed before we did, and He led us down the right path even though we had different reasons for taking it.
Thank you for this honest, open-hearted post! I’m a white mom of a black son and it is good for my heart to learn what you’ve been so loving in sharing. I really need time to soak this in.
You really do have so much to consider for your son, but you can totally do this! He has a loving mama who is already learning and growing in new ways. You’re thanking me, but I thank YOU for reading my post and letting it soak in, on behalf of your little boy.
Same!
Beautiful, LS! I’m going to share this in my POC homeschoolers group. My honey is interviewing in Atlanta. This just made the idea of moving there a little more appealing!
Hi!!! I didn’t even know you were interested in homeschooling. I’m doing a little happy dance. Please do share this with your group, and Atlanta is a GREAT, GREAT place to be a homeschooler. Let me know how the interviews turn out 🙂
Thank you for this. It is helpful to me as a white homeschooling mom to read this perspective. The analogy of Americans in a foreign country is excellent. Your daughters and your community are lucky to have you.
Thank you for that, Eliza! It was pretty cool how that whole analogy played out. Every time I heard them talking about their fellow Americans while still loving life in Bolivia with their Bolivian friends, I thought about my life in America. I’m glad it resonated with you.
I absolutely loved this!! Do you have any resources on how you created Heritage Homeschool? Looks like I’m going to have to create a black homeschool group (that teaches and hangs out) here since one does not exist.
I don’t have anything written down, but I should totally do that. I basically created a FB group for any interested families and a separate password-protected website for families who wanted to actually join the real group. The calendar is on the website, so only members can see & join unless it’s a public event. We also had a Meetup page, but I don’t recommend that route. Most people find us through FB and word-of-mouth from other families. I hope that helps a little, but feel free to reach out to me directly with specific questions.
White mother here.. Thank you for sharing all of this. It’s also beautifully written, although I hate that you needed to put so many disclaimers at the beginning. Your kids are lucky to have such a special mom. I’m sure they know that.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. This post has been widely shared with so much positive feedback, but I’ve also endured intense criticism for it from white women who felt offended, so your support and encouragement on this post, in particular, is extremely meaningful to me.
This is great. It’s like you put into words what we could not. This is real truth. Look forward to the next in the series
Thanks, Sherri. I have been wanting to post this for so long, but I was scared. I only wanted to write it if I could be real and tell the truth, but I was worried about what people would say. I’m so thankful that it’s been well-received, and I appreciate you taking the time to let me know that you liked it.
This is refreshing. I totally agree that there is something to cultural community. “Putting on”your own culture is like being wrapped in a warm blanket – there is comfort, understanding, refreshment. I appreciate diversity (white woman who has experienced both black & latin cultures – amazingly loud & fun, and the music & DANCING – I love it!) Honestly, I’ve always been a little envious of the communal bonds found in both of these cultures. It reveals what is lacking in my own suburban white community, and keeps me pressing on to keep learning from others and hopefully teach my kids to appreciate cultural differences the world over. God has made some amazing people, I want to continue learning from each other, and still appreciate our cultural heritage at the same time.
I love so much of what you said. I appreciate that you’re able to see the beauty in other cultures as well as your own. That’s what I think this is all about.
I found my self finishing many sentences in my head before even reading your words. I even shed tears and wanted to hug you while reading this! I can not totally relate to the experience in the White homeschooling groups specifically because I started off in a Black Online collective, but reaching out to a broader homeschooling community did allow me to appreciate the connections I had and gave me the assurance to reach out to ALL Black groups once I moved to an entirely new State, a month and 19 days ago! Homeschooling was my only option before finding out about African Centered Private schools and online academies, I even enrolled my son into a school in our new State. But decided to go back to home schooling myself and finding support, because no one can do for our children what we can do for them ourselves!
I got emotional writing it, so I can totally understand your reaction upon reading it! Having a like-minded black community from the beginning sounds like an amazing blessing, and I’m glad that you’ve found the support you needed to continue homeschooling.
I tried to write a message here but it told me that what I wrote was already posted and I don’t see it! So I will just say thank you for the read and I look forward to reading the next series!
It’s here! Thank you for writing 🙂
Great read and representation.Thank you for this Amber!
Thank you for reading it, LaToya! I value your opinion, and I’m glad you liked it.
Thank you so much for sharing! Coming to America for a while has helped me resonate with being a minority and oh how I miss home! (Uganda.)
Black American culture resonates so much with the African culture (I don’t know if you agree) and some of the things you mentioned here, I definitely understand so well being new here.
I loved each one of your points and will definitely share it with a friend of mine whom I was struggling to explain to why I miss home and how white women are just so different.
Perhaps my question is did you develop a curriculum that centers around the Black American culture or did you get one that you continue to supplement?
I have thought so much about education and I think that as Africans, we too have a very Euro centric culture that dumbs down our own culture. This is such a challenge that becomes very visible when one travels.
Any thoughts?
I can only imagine how much you miss home, Daphne! I would love to visit with my family one day. Yes, please do share it with your friends because I think it will really help them understand how much we shift, mold, adapt, etc. on a daily basis.
I have not developed a full curriculum. That is a dream I have, but I don’t quite have the vision of where to find the time to do it 🙁
I definitely purchase plans and books from a variety of sources and adapt them for my family. I’m working on a post about it, and hopefully that will shed a little more light on my specific process.
My goodness, this part 2 just sent me in Amber. Its just everything that been on my heart. While we have always homeschooled. We were in a white space for the first 3 to 4 years of it and I have struggled to articulate to my “white” friends without getting too emotional because this is very emaotional for me, why it was imperative for me and my boys to leave the group. I am going to share your blog post with the ones that I am close to in hopes that they can get a better understanding. Thanks so much for sharing your heart and putting into words for what has been difficult for me and so many others. Blessings to you dear heart.
Thank you for sharing this with me, ShaToina. You have no idea how encouraging it is for me to know that my words are appreciated and helping others. I’m sure that your friends will be receptive to the most (many of mine have been), and it will really help them understand YOU. So glad that you took the time to let me know what it meant to you.
You have no idea how wonderful this blog post was.to.me!!!! It was like each one of your words were coming out of my heart and mouth. I have no words for the truth and validation that has been set forth! I live in a small town and I have to travel to spend time with other Black homeschool families and it is well worth it. I do have several local homeschool moms that I bounce ideas off of and they invite me to their group. I choose not to participate, as my son was in public school until 2nd grade and we have simply had enough of the micro aggressions and him being “too” (insert perceived offensive behavior here). I would love to start one local however I only know of 1 other Black homeschooling family. I will admit there is a little apprehension of feeling the need to constantly explain why this is necessary. I should simply do it and then direct them to this blog! Thank you my sister…thank you!!!
This is music to my ears! It has been so gratifying to hear from so many moms about how much they can relate. A little encouragement…I only knew two other black homeschooling families when I started our group. I had no idea that there were others! We weren’t connected. So maybe just put it out there and see what happens. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Go for it!
Thank you for this! I’ve started a homeschool support group for black families in my area but it has been slow moving participation wise. I plan on sharing what you’ve wrote here with them. I think that much of what you have described is something many of us feel, but lack some sort of awareness of it. It’s important, everything else we do to encourage a diverse life experience falls short if we do not enjoy the connection of community as Black Homeschoolers. Thanks for sharing this!
You’re welcome! Please remain encouraged about your group. Continue to be consistent and keep meeting even with a small group because eventually it will grow. One thing that helped us early on was getting business cards with the group info printed on them. We just got a pack of cheap ones from Vistaprint. All of the early members had a stack of cards, and when we ran into other black families who were out and about at odd times (during the school day), we would engage them and give them a card if they were homeschoolers. It’s sounds random, but we got some great people that way. We also had a Meetup page for a while where people found us. And of course the FB page. Just a few tips that may help!
Your blog is giving me so much life as I begin this homeschool journey. I can’t even find the words at this time to express the extent to which this is blessing me.
Veronica, your comment is so uplifting for me, so I guess we are just sitting here blessing each other! Thank you for reading and taking the time to let me know that it has moved you. That means so much to me.
Hello! I’m a french mother homeschooling her child in the french west indies. My English is not perfect but i wanted to thank you for your blog that i’m discovering. Your reality is very close to mine even if i’m in another country. Thank you for the truth, and the beauty.
I really want to continue to follow you because doing this i’m in connection with myself! Thank you so much!
You’re English is perfect, and I’m excited to know that someone overseas has found and is enjoying my writing! Thank you for following, and I’m thankful that we can connect.
Wow… Thank you! I love how God works! My husband and I were casually having a conversation about the lack of connection I’ve always felt with white homeschooling parents. We have 4 children and have been homeschooling for over 9yrs. In the beginning I was drawn to participate in groups, understanding that relationship is vital to us as human beings. I looked at those groups as a potential lifeline. However, my inability to truly connect often left me alone in that regard. So much of what you’ve said rings completely true. Other social organizations including church have allowed for an opportunity to gain the support I longed for, yet there has always been an ultimate connection lacking. Unfortunately, homeschool groups have never brought any personal fulfillment only an unhealthy level of exclusion and utter disregard. Being a military family, we move every few years. We have not had the luxury of the time… the time you mentioned that was necessary to allow those friendships to bloom. I’m sure it doesn’t help that the older I’ve gotten, the less likely I am to maneuver my personality to conform to someone else’s level of comfort. Then of course there was the last homeschooling event I attended years ago while living in Louisiana. We visited a cotton plantation. Having the only black children in the group with notebooks and pens in hand, ferociously note-taking… it was then I knew. We are different, and these types of experiences will be different for us. If I wanted my children to authentically love and appreciate who they are, it was my responsibility as their parent to create a space where that could happen. And if that means we would have to step away from the groups, so be it. I know what we ALL will be gaining is far greater. As my children have gotten older their needs have increased in some areas and decreased in others, yet God has still allowed connections with individuals consistently along the way. We all have our own journey, and it’s important for all of us to have the freedom to express and experience our individual worlds with our eyes wide open. Only then might we become a more effective participant in the parts of the world we are able to touch! Thanks again for your courage and honesty. 💛
Despite the challenges, I love that you’ve consistently been able to connect with people on your journey. Knowing and being known have become critically important to me in recent years. Well, I guess they were always important but I’ve only recently been able to articulate the need. Thank you for reading and sharing some of your story with us!
This is full of gold! I’m a white mom to a black son and these are the reasons we tried to find a black church/sport team/etc. We want our son to have this for the majority of his time. We didn’t adopt him to assimilate him to our lifestyle, we adopted him to love him and do right by him. I hope and pray we always look for ways he can be who he is without filtering himself for all of the white people. And I hope we never stifle his personality. Thank you for this article. It’s perfect. Even for white moms who have kids in public school.
Oh how I thank God for people like you that look beyond what it easy and yearn for their child to be in a place they are able to truly love who they are! Simply through your desire and prayer God will allow opportunities for the desires of both your heart and his!! Praying on your behalf for a fruitful journey!!💛
This is so perfect. I love your heart, and your son is blessed to have YOU as his mama. And yes, I totally think this applies to kids in other settings. We all need to experience the sensation of belonging – within our families (I can tell you’ve already handled that part!) and without. Thank you for reading and sharing!
This was absolutely spot on. I am so pleased that so many black home ed groups and communities are being formed and we are taking our children’s future (and livelihoods) into our own hands…
Afterall, “Only A Fool…”
Kudos to you momma, keep the posts coming x
Thank you! I’m so glad that this resonated with you. It wasn’t easy to write, but it felt good to share it.
This is out of control amazing and 100% accurate. Desperately need a black homeschooling group. I’m from Southern California and I have some amazing white mama friends but we just moved to Oklahoma and there’s something in me that doesn’t need more white friends right now, in this season of life. I need black mama friends. *sigh* this was such a great read.
I’m really glad to hear that you could relate to what I was saying. I think there are so many moms that have experienced this and feel the need for more Black community for themselves and their children.
Thank you: so blessed by your blog this morning (white mama here). I’m so grateful for your giving words to what you experience so that folks like you, folks different than you, just human folks can better understand each other and find expression for stuff bubbling up that there weren’t words for.
Lately, I’ve been sort of broken-hearted when I’ve thought about how my guy friends (even guys who homeschool their kids) just don’t see stuff that I as a woman live with & experience. And what is heart-breaking is that I know there’s tons of stuff that my friends of color live with & experience and I just don’t even see it. And now you’ve given me this generous, rich glimpse into what is going on with some of them, and also a sense of how I might be able to make folks a bit more comfortable when they’re around me.
Thanks so much. I’m sorry we’re in a world where you need to write this stuff out for us, but am grateful you did it.
I really appreciate that you took the time to encourage me here. This was a really hard post to write, and it makes me happy to hear you say that you found it helpful and worthy of your reading time. Thank you!
I am so happy I came across this blog! We are world travelers, new to Atlanta and with everything going on I was so fearful about lack of options with homeschooling when it came to our kids becoming school age (They are still very small) I have been adamant since day one about not sending our kids to these schools that teach them nothing about who they truly are! You are such a breath of fresh air and we can’t wait to be apart of the Heritage Community! Thank you for sharing this! Its so needed!
You’re so welcome! I’m really glad that you found us, and I look forward to meeting you in person one day.
I am an adoptive mom of 4 and 3 of my children are black. Thank you for writing this. I know it’s not for me, a white mom, but it does give me insight. I came across this blog because I am looking for a diverse, progressive homeschool group that understands what black children face in our public school system that my kids currently attend. I can’t accept this is what is best for them and I am seeking some sort of camaraderie for my children and their experiences and considering homeschool. I look forward to exploring your page more!
Welcome! I’m so glad that you found my site. I love that you’re considering all options while determining what’s best for your children, and finding the right homeschool group can make a big difference in their experiences.